Episode Parodies
by SnipsSkywalker
Summary: Updated weekly, or whenever the new episodes come on. This week, Anakin Mistakes his Friend for his Enemy  in a Box !   Rated K plus just to be on the safe side.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! So, I've decided to do one of these episode parodies every week –or every new episode- because they're superfun to write :P Hope you like 'em!**

Escape From Avacado-

The Escape From Kavado parody! =D

"Great hope can come from Avacados."

A people enslaved! To locate the abducted colonists of a peace-loving world, the Jedi played dress up and impersonate, only to get arrested for being too weird in public by zygeria's ambitious queen, who wants to rebuild her empire of slaves! Now, even Obi-Wan Kenobi is starting to get bored of being in a fiery red place with nothing to do….

The friendly mouse-dog on his spinning floaty chair of fun floated up to Obi-Wan and Rex, who had been reduced to shoveling dirt into train cars in their boredom.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi." He said, stating the very obvious.

Obi-Wan stared blankly at him, shovel in hand. "Yeah?"

"Once a Jedi Master, now a Jedi slave! PITIFUL HAHAHAHAH! YOU WILL SOON DIE!" the mouse guy said hysterically, than floated slowly away on his floaty chair.

"He looks so chubby and friendly," Obi-Wan mused absentmindedly to Rex, throwing some dirt into the train. "He should be more cheerful, because he just looks so FRIENDLY, you know what I mean, Rex ol' boy?"

Rex grunted assent, and told Obi-Wan to stop calling him Rex ol' boy.

Meanwhile, there were some people turning a wheel.

One guy wasn't looking at his dirt, so one of the funny mousie's henchmen hit him with an orange glowstick.

Don't ask, I don't know, okay?

"Everything about this place smells of fried chicken. It has already begun to affect my poor nose." Obi-Wan muttered. A henchman hit him with a glowstick.

"Ow." Obi-Wan said dully.

"SPEECH IS FORBIDDEN!" The guy yelled "PUNISH PUNISH PUNISH!" He whacked the togruta next to Obi-Wan with his glowstick.

"HEY STOP IT WAS MY NOSE THAT SMELLED THE STENCH OF CHICKEN! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HECK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SO TAKE THAT HAH!" Obi-Wan shouted. Boredom made him blow up at pretty much everything.

The henchman's assistant blew up a helium balloon, rubbed furry hair against it, and touched Obi-Wan.

"OW OWIE OWWWWW OW OW OWWWWWW YOU SHOCKED ME!" Obi-Wan yelled, crying hysterically.

"Haha, you aren't the boss of me!" The mouse henchman said smugly, and hit everyone with his glowstick one more time, just for good measure.

"WAIT DON'T GO DON'T GOOOOOOOOO I WANT TO PLAY MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU!" Obi-Wan shouted after him.

The guy spun around.

"_What?"_

"Yeah, make believe! That's a game where you-"

"I KNOW what make believe is." The zygerian snapped.

"Then can we play it?" Obi-Wan asked hopefully.

"No." The guy turned around and started to walk away.

"How about a board game! Maybe Charades for Kids! Or War! Or Clue!" Obi-Wan called after him. The man rolled his eyes, and kept walking, ignoring Obi-Wan's pleas.

"Rex, I'm bored." Obi-Wan sighed, shoveling some dirt into his train. "The only thing to do around is shovel stupid dirt into trains! Why are we even doing this? UGH!" He banged his shovel on the metal train, and it made a nice banging sound.

"I know you're bored, sir. You say that every five seconds." Rex said exasperatedly. "Why don't you play the Quiet Game with me. That's where we both be quiet for as long as we can! Doesn't that sound like fun, sir?"

"Yes, it does." Obi-Wan mused.

Unfortunately for him, the Quiet Game proved to be almost as boring as shoveling dirt into train cars. But at least Rex was happy.

MEANWHILE, IN DOOKU'S SOLAR SAILER…

"Long have empires been built on the backs of slaves." The shimmering Lord Sidious explained to his apprentice, Count Dooku.

Dooku gasped.

"You mean, they BUILT BUILDINGS with people UNDERNEATH?" The Sith Apprentice asked, shocked.

Sidious facepalmed.

"No, my apprentice. That was a figure of speech. Anyways, to carry on this tradition, we will require millions."

"Millions of what, my master?" Dooku asked, bored.

"SLAVES! Millions of SLAVES! Weren't you listening to me, Dooku?"

"Yes, my master." Dooku lied. He was actually staring at the screen of his holomovie player, which was directly behind Sidious' hologram.

"No, you aren't." Sidious pouted.

"Am too, my master."

"Are not."

"Am too."

"Are not."

"Am too."

"Are NOT."

"Am TOO."

"Fine, whatever, my apprentice. If she fails to see the error of her ways, end her rule." Sidious said.

"Who's ru- I mean, okay, yes my master." Dooku agreed, barely even looking at Sidious.

"Fine." Sidious said.

"Fine." Dooku retorted.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"FINE."

"FINE."

Dooku hung up before his master could get the last word.

Meanwhile, at the palace…

"Have you considered my offer, Skywalker?" The Zygerian Queen asked Anakin, who frankly couldn't care less what she was saying. "If you vow loyalty to me, I will free your friends."

"LALALLA I'M NOT LISTENING, I CAN'T EVEN HEAR YOU!" Anakin shouted.

"Hmm. Curious. I thought the Jedi were selfless, placing the needs of others before their own."

"LA LA LALA LA I'M BORED I'M BORED I'M REALLY REALLY BORED!" Anakin covered his ears and stuck out his tongue.

The Queen's chief advisor, whose name escapes me, approached her majesty and bowed.

"My Queen, Count Dooku will be paying you a visit." He said sinisterly.

The Queen waved her hand at him.

"Okay, great, bake a cake." She said.

"So, even some people get to boss YOU around! And by the way, did you know that I'm bored?" Anakin shouted in her face.

"What? No, he doesn't boss me around, he's my best friend."

Anakin gasped, taken aback.

"NO! Sidious is Dooku's best friend. EVERYONE knows that, OOH PILLAR!" He yelled excitedly, pointing at a pillar in exuberant joy.

"Yeah, well PERHAPS YOU SHOULD NOT ATTEND THIS MEETING!" The Queen yelled at him.

"Okay, fine." Anakin agreed. "LOOK LOOK A PILLIAR YOUR MAJESTY! JUST LOOK AT THAT PILLAR! And I'm bored."

"Don't run away." She warned him, ignoring his previous statement.

Anakin shoved his saber in her face.

"I NEVER RUN AWAY FROM SPIDERS AND BUGS AND TREES AND OBI-WAN WHEN HE'S MAD AND ESPECIALLY NOT SCARY QUEENS THAT ARE HITTING ON ME!"

He put the lightsaber in her hand and folded his arms across his chest, and the Queen sauntered off.

Once she was gone, Anakin wasted no time at all in jumping off the balcony. The two guards that the queen had left with him jumped off the balcony, too. The thing is… Anakin is a Jedi. They aren't Jedi. Anakin can jump off balconies safely. They… can't. You get the gist.

Anakin jumped back _on_ the balcony, and snickered at Artoo, who he just noticed was there.

"Hi, artoo."

"Beep." Said Artoo.

"You know where Ahsoka is? 'Cuz I almost forgot about— LATTICE!" Anakin shouted, pointing at a nearby lattice. He shook his head.

"Uh, yeah. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, Ahsok— OHH LATTICE!" He yelled again, pointing at another lattice. There were quite a few lattices on the balcony.

Artoo let out an exasperated beep, and started pushing Anakin in the direction of his Padawan.

Meanwhile, in the throne room…

"OOH COUNT! MY BEST FRIEND!" The Queen squealed, as Dooku walked in.

"I'm not your best friend." Dooku grumbled.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"YES YOU ARE!"

"NO I'M NOT AND YOUR OTHER FRIEND OVER THERE ON YOUR RIGHT TOTALLY BETRAYED YOU!" Dooku yelled, trying to change the subject.

The Queen looked to her right, but there was no-one there.

"Your OTHER right." Dooku corrected.

And there he was.

"Grr." Said the advisor.

"Yep. That one. He's concerned over how attached you've become to Skywalker."

"Awww, he's concerned? That's so sweet!" She said happily.

"No, the other kind of concerned." Dooku said exasperatedly. "Like, the BAD SINISTER kind."

"Oh. Well, Skywalker is a symbol of… what is he a symbol of? I can't remember. He's really hot."

Dooku rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well your power over him is an illusion. You forget, I was once a Jedi too, whatever that has to do with anything. And besides, he's too ADD to actually be controlled, and you're blind if you don't see it."

"But he's hot." The Queen protested. "And you have little in common with him. You AREN'T hot, for one. Here, have a cocktail."

Dooku took a cocktail, and tried to remember what he was doing here.

"Now, hear my plan of brilliance." The queen said persuasively.

"Fine." Dooku sat down and sighed. This was probably going to be boring. He wished that he had been paying better attention to Sidious now.

"Right now, in my Avocado, Obi-Wan Kenobi is in despair."

"That was a nice story." Dooku said disinterestedly, glad that it was over. He started to get up.

"I'm not done." The Queen snapped.

Dooku sighed, and sat back down.

"Kenobi is coming to realize, perhaps for the first time in his life, that his efforts to help others will only injure them."

She started doing that cool trick where you can make interesting sounds with your wine glass. Dooku didn't see what on earth doing this had to with her story, which didn't even make _sense_ –a story about a depressed guy in an avocado? Really?- but he didn't say anything. He just fell asleep on the floor.

"EW EW EW EW EWW REX WHY ARE WE EATING BLOCKS?" Obi-Wan complained, shoving the thing that was supposedly dinner in his mouth.

Rex shrugged.

"No complaining." A henchman said, whacking him on the shoulder with a glowstick.

Obi-Wan got in a karate pose, fists up, and he and the mouse-dog began brawling on the floor.

"REX WHY DOES MY BED FEEL LIKE METAL, HUH, REX OL' BOY!" Obi-Wan yelled at Rex, on the bunk below him, banging on his metal bed with his shovel that he used for shoveling dirt. It banged very loudly, and all the togrutas around him woke up and glared at him.

"Please stop calling me Rex ol' boy. Your bed feels like metal because it _is _metal, sir." Rex explained. "Now please go back to bed."

The Queen stopped doing the glass trick.

"So, what's the moral of this story, Count?" She asked, quizzing him.

"The moral is 'If you are trapped in an Avocado, do not bang on your metal bed with a shovel or you will have a mob of angry togrutas chasing after you.'" Dooku said drowsily, getting up off the floor. "Are you done yet?"

"Hehehehehe imagine! Imagine an army of Jedi, in your service! Zygeria will be invincible!" The Queen giggled evilly and held up her wine glass for no apparent reason. She kept it up there, too.

"Yeah, sounds nice. But I actually like to kill Jedi more than trap them inside avocados. Now, summon Skywalker. I will do what must be done… whatever that is."

Meanwhile, in Ahsoka's cage hanging off the edge of a balcony…

Ahsoka was taking a nap, when something landed on her cage. She looked up. More birds. She turned over and tried to back to sleep. Then, something _crashed _onto her cage. She groaned, and didn't look up. She didn't have to.

"Hi, Master. How are you. I'm doing well, except you LEFT ME in a CAGE!"

"Hi Snips. Sorry about that, I'll try to be a better master next tim— OOOH LOOK AT THE VEIW UP HERE!" He stood on her cage and screamed "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!" at the top of his lungs.

"Just get me out of here already." She grumbled.

'But I wasn't done being king of the world." Anakin complained.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes.

"Just _do it_."

"Okay, okay!" Anakin tore the front of her cage off with the Force, and she climbed up to the top.

"Now you're the QUEEN of the world!" Anakin said enthusiastically.

"Yay." Ahsoka said, in an attempt to be optimistic. She jumped onto the nearby balcony, and Anakin followed.

"Heh, that was a LOT easier than lifting the entire cage!" Anakin mused.

"Yeah…" Ahsoka agreed, not really sure where he was going here.

"Yeah, are you okay? You don't look so hot, Snips." He said, concerned.

"Well… OOH MASTER, LOOK, A DISTURBANCE IN THE FORCE!" She shouted, distracting him.

"Where, where WHERE, SNIPS!" He yelled, his head spinning in all directions. "Gasp, DOOKU! He's with the queen lady! She's bad! And she knows where Obi is! AND SHE'S GONNA DIEEEEE!"

He threw her a commlink and hopped on the roof, leaving Ahsoka right where she was.

"Okay…" The padawan said.

"Beep." Artoo agreed.

Meanwhile, at the palace…

"YOU ARE SO NOT THE BOSS OF ME! STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!" The Queen yelled at Dooku.

"Your compliance is not optional. I command you to stop talking about stupid avocado plans that I don't care about!" Dooku yelled back.

"STOP BOSSING ME AROUND!" She screeched.

"He's right, you know. You are not fit to be queen, and you need to shut up." The adviser guy agreed.

"YOU STOP BOSSING ME AROUND TOO!" She screamed at him, throwing her glass onto the floor and stomping it to pieces. "STOP. BOSSING. ME. AROUND!"

"Blah, this is boring." Dooku said absentmindedly, choking the Queen with the Force.

Then, Superman music began playing in the background, and Anakin burst through the doors.

"DUNNNNNN DUN DUN SUPERMAN!" Anakin yelled.

Dooku dropped the lady.

"And I am Captain BAD!" He yelled excitedly, igniting his lightsaber. Anakin decided he wanted a change of pace, and grabbed the Queen's whip and ignited that.

They fought for a while, until Dooku got bored of that too, and electrocuted Anakin.

Just then, some guards walked in. Dooku immediately stopped electrocuting Anakin and tried to look innocent. The guards' eyes went from the unconscious Queen on the floor to Anakin to Dooku, unsure of what to make of this.

"Uh… he did it." Dooku said, pointing at Anakin.

"I DIDN'T! I DID NOT!" Anakin yelled. "AHSOKAAAAAAAA! AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA!" He called Ahsoka on his comm.

"AHSOKA DOOKU SAID I DID IT BUT HE'S JUST A LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!"

"I AM NOT I JUST TOLD A TINEYYYY TINY FIB!" Dooku yelled into Anakin's comm.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes dramatically.

"Okay Master, I'll come pick you up right now, don't do anything stupid!" Ahsoka said hurriedly, and hung up.

"GO GET HIM FOR KILLING HER!" Dooku yelled at the two guards. They were about to do just that, when Anakin burst into tears.

"But I didn't DO it!" He started crying even harder. "EVERYONE ALWAYS THINKS I DO STUFF THAT I DON'T DO LIKE THE TIME I ACCIDENTALLY LEFT HAIRBALLS IN THE SINK ONLY THAT TIME IT ACTUALLY WAS ME BUT MOST OF THE TIME PEOPLE ACCUSE ME FALSELY- Ooh, window!" He said, suddenly quite happy. "Did'ja see that window, guys? Ha, that's funny… OOOH LOOK THERE'S A SHIP BY THE WINDOW LOOKIT AND THERE'S AHSOKA DRIVING SEE GUYS?"

He was quite enthusiastic about this, apparently. The other people in the room just stared at him like he was some kind of lunatic. "Hey you're creepy majesty, wanna see that ship? C'mon, let's go see it!" He shouted eagerly, picking up the unconscious queen up and running right out the window, thankfully onto the ramp. But I'm not sure if he knew it was there… well, it WAS, thank goodness.

"HEY LOOK LOOK THE SHIP IS MOVING!" He screeched at her majesty. She didn't respond, so he poked her gently on the face.

"Your highness, I'm trying to talk to you, and you aren't showing courtesy to me. You're like _ignoring _me!" He shouted angrily, poking her harder.

"No escape." She muttered. "For any of us."

"Yeah, but it's really _exciting!_" He said, getting a little exasperated. "And sure there's escape, we can just jump out! See, I brought a parachute!" He pulled a parachute out of his belt and waved it in her face. "It's even multicolored! But it's okay, because Ahsoka's a good driver and I kinda sorta trust her to not crash that much! Hey, have you seen Obi-Wan? I wouldn't want him to miss out on the fun of parachuting, because Ahsoka actually _is_ probably gonna crash us."

"He's in an avocado…" the Queen gasped. "You were right, Skywalker… I am really bored… just as you are…"

Her head fell limp on the floor.

"AHHHHH SHE'S DEAD SHE'S DEAD SHE'S DEAD MEDIC MEDIC MEDIC MEDIC SNIPPPPSSSSS SNIPS SNIPS SNIPS! AND SHE SAID OBI WAN IS TRAPPED IN AN AVOCADO AND AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH SHE DIEDDDDDDDDD!" Ahsoka heard his frantic cries and rushed to the cargo hold of the ship… but unfortunately it was too late for the Queen.

And about the avocado… she didn't have the faintest.

The friendly mouse on his floaty chair of fun looked _especially_ unfriendly right now.

"Hi." Obi-Wan said nervously. "Nice day, isn't it? How 'bout we count to ten before we speak!"

The guy didn't like that idea much.

"Um… no. I have Count Dooku on hold. AND BESIDES, I DO NOT HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES AND I DO NOT NEED THERAPY, BECAUSE I AM A FRIENDLY MOUSE!"

Obi-Wan and Rex exchanged glances; this guy was seriously creeping them out. He looked like he belonged on some children's TV show, not in the middle of their galactic civil war. He was a friendly mouse-dog… thingy, for the force's sake!

Count Dooku's shimmering image popped up.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi—" Obi-Wan interrupted him.

"WHY do we say each other's names when addressing one another? Count Dooku. There, I said _your _name, now we're even. Rex. Mouse guy. Guards. There, now I said _everyone's_ name. Whoopee."

"I wasn't finished. I was going to say 'Obi-Wan Kenobi, in chains once again, I see!'" Dooku said indignantly.

"Are you still afraid to get your hands dirty, Count? Because I have the perfect solution for you! Portable hand sanitizer! I carry one in my pouch at all times!" Obi-Wan said helpfully.

"No, that's all right. I just wanted to say a proper farewell before the friendly mouse guy puts you to death." Dooku explained, quite cheerful.

"I DO have a name." The friendly mouse guy muttered.

"Yes, but nobody cares what it is." The holographic Dooku told him.

Obi-Wan just glared at both of them.

"Sir, an unauthorized ship is docking on platform 2-4!" A guard shouted frantically.

"Skywalker." Dooku said.

"YOU CAN STOP SAYING EVERYONE'S NAME! WE ALL KNOW IT'S HIM!" Obi-Wan yelled, frustrated at the whole lot of them.

But, of course, they couldn't stop saying everyone's name. That would destroy their coolness.

Meanwhile, on platform 2-4, Anakin and Ahsoka rushed out of the ship as fast as they could.

"Why are we running!" Anakin asked, jogging casually.

"Because they're going to blow us up, that's why." Ahsoka informed him. Sure enough, two seconds later, their borrowed ship was ashes.

"OOH, explosion! That was a big one, Snips. Did ya SEE that explosion? And EEW the Queen's body was in there!" Anakin said, grossed out.

"Do you HAVE to think about that kind of thing?" Ahsoka asked him, rolling her eyes. "And do you have to _say_ it?"

"Look, there are guns shooting us." Anakin mused.

"WELL, RUN!" Ahsoka shouted, making a mad dash for the door of the facility.

Anakin followed her, just because he didn't want to be left out of anything she was doing.

"HEY, OPEN UP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW!" Anakin screamed, banging on the door.

Ahsoka facepalmed

"Not going to happen, master." She started cutting a hole in the wall with her lightsabers, while Anakin sang a song about puppies.

"Kenobi, tell your young friend Skywalker that if he does not surrender, I will do something bad." Dooku threatened. They put Obi-Wan through to Anakin, who was still singing about puppies as Ahsoka cut the wall open.

"ANAKINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

"OBI-WAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!"

Anakin and Obi-Wan yelled, giving each other big hugs over the screen.

"What's up, Anakin? How did you find me?" Obi-Wan asked curiously.

"Well, I kind of searched "Avocado" on my iPhone, and this GIANT avocado factory popped up! It's even kind of sort of the same color as an avocado! Isn't that funny? And then I was like "Snips, that's where Obi-Wan is!" And she said no it wasn't, and I said yes it was, and she said no it wasn't, so I had to accidentally hit her over the head with a frying pan and she was a lot more sensible when she woke up, mainly because we were already here!"

"Yes, but RESCUE ME ANAKINNNNNNNNN I'M BOREDDDD!" Obi-Wan yelled desperately. Dooku whispered to Obi-Wan that this wasn't what he was supposed to be saying.

"Yes, and also Dooku says if you don't rescue me soon, he's going to do something very bad!"

"No, the something bad was for something else!" Dooku yelled, upset about how badly this whole thing was going.

"I'm COMING, I'm COMING!" Anakin shouted, kicking the wall in his impatience.

"Okay master, I'm in." Ahsoka announced.

"WAIT! DON'T MOVE!" Anakin yelled.

Ahsoka froze. "What is it, master?"

"I want to kick the door."

Ahsoka banged her head on the hard wall, and immediately regretted it.

Anakin elatedly kicked the circle in the wall, and killed the guys in there in mere seconds.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan and Rex were in the building kicking butt and being awesome. Dooku's hologram had suddenly disappeared, for some reason. Suddenly the mouse guy had a very bad idea. He jumped out of his chair and banged some buttons on the control console, not sure what would happen but sure that it would be a fun activity, and he banged so hard that the whole thing broke. Then he climbed back into his chair and pretended that nothing had happened.

But the slaves were accidentally going to fall 50,000 stories, and the walls were electrocuted all over the place. Oops.

"YOU TOTALLY BROKE THE CONTROLS AND NOW SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" Obi-Wan yelled at the guy. "DID YOU PUSH A RED BUTTON? TELL ME YOU DIDN'T PUSH A RED BUTTON!"

"Ahem." The mouse guy said, being very mysterious.

"Great. Just great." Obi-Wan put his head in his hands in exasperation.

"It's ALWAYS the red button…"

Rex was still fighting, and he didn't appreciate Obi-Wan sitting there with his head in his hands while he was trying to defeat some guys. But he got them fine. Except one, with a blaster. That was a little problem…

MEANWHILE, Ahsoka and Anakin were running through the hallways.

"The hallways are a weird greenish color." Anakin observed. "They make me sick. We should go out for burgers when we're done, Snips! We can even invite Padme- OOH LIGHTS! Puppiessss I loveee themmmmm lalalalaaaaa!"

"Okay, good for you. Why don't you find a puppy, and I'll go rescue my people." Ahsoka suggested. And without giving him time to consent to this, rushed off before she had to endure more of his rambling.

Somehow, she found her people… all in the same place, conveniently.

Anakin searched high and low for a puppy. He really did. But he couldn't find one… annoyingly enough. All he found were some stupid dumb cannons.

"I'm so mad at you for not being a puppy, stupid dumb cannon!" He shouted, kicking the cannon with all his might. It didn't say anything.

He punched it, too.

It still didn't say anything.

"UGH YOU'RE AS BAD AS THE QUEEN WITH YOUR IGNORING!" He yelled at the poor cannon. The next punch he dealt was powered with the force.

His cannon fell down... on top of the next one, and that one fell on top of the one after that, etc.

"Ooh, dominoes!" Anakin said enthusiastically.

Obi-Wan still had his head in his hands, despite Rex's pleas for help. There was no hope, once someone pushed the Red Button.

"Sir! I'm battling these guys ALL BY MYSELF!" Rex yelled, punching one guard straight on the nose and electrocuting another with an electrostick. He grabbed the one with the gun, punched him in the head, knocking him out.

"General Kenobi, get your head out of your hands! We're WINNING the battle!" Rex yelled at Obi-Wan, just about fed up with the despairing Jedi Master.

"Good job, Rex, but there is no hope." Obi-Wan said desolately.

"That's not a very glass-is-half-full thought, General." Rex observed.

"BUT THERE ISN'T! THE FRIENDLY MOUSE GUY RUINED EVERYTHING!"

"Gulp." Said the friendly mouse guy.

He zoomed out the window as fast as he could on his zoomy fun chair, and was never heard of again.

"Aw, but I didn't get to say a cool line and impale him!" Rex pouted.

"AND HE STILL PUSHED THE RED BUTTON!" Obi-Wan cried hysterically.

"SIR, GET A GRIP!" Rex yelled in Obi-Wan's face. "THE WORLD IS NOT ENDING!"

Obi-Wan got a grip after that.

Ahsoka wasn't sure what she should do. She didn't have any desire to fall 50,000 stories, and by the looks on their faces, neither did the people of Kiros. But the walls were very sparkly, and nobody wanted to grab them and hold on, and the floor was disappearing fast.

"So… anyone have a plan?" The padawan asked the assembly of strangely colored togrutas.

"WHAT? I thought YOU had a plan!" One of them shouted.

"Well… I don't. Sorry." Ahsoka said.

"Um… how about we jump off and see what happens?" One togruta asked.

"No, then we would die." Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Doesn't ANYONE have a plan?"

None of them had a plan, except the guy who wanted to jump off and see what happened.

"Dang, this is the stupidest rescue I've ever tried to pull." Ahsoka grumbled. "I should have made up a plan…"

The guy who wanted to jump off and see what happened decided to do just that, and he wouldn't be stopped.

Ahsoka put her head in her hands.

"This is the worst rescue EVER. I-" She was interrupted by the guy who should have been dead.

"Hey guys, guess what happened?" He yelled up. "Some clones caught me and put me on a cruiser!"

"WHAT?" Ahsoka rushed to the edge of the ever-growing-smaller platform and stuck her head over the edge.

"Yeah. There's a cruiser and some clones and Plo Koon down there. WHAT are the odds?" She said, almost shocked beyond words. What _were_ the odds?"

"Hi Master Plo. Nice timing." She called down to him, slightly a nervous wreck.

"Ko shata little 'soka! Your master called us and said you needed help, but when I asked to talk to you directly, he said you were not taking calls!"

"Yes, I was because he knocked me out with a pan." Ahsoka said, relieved that Plo's timing wasn't just a freakish occurrence.

"Okay guys, I have a plan now." She announced to the togrutas.

"Meh… we liked that guy's plan better." One togruta said. She jumped off the platform, too, and soon all the rest of them were as well.

"Fine, have it your way."

Ahsoka sighed and jumped down to help the clones catch falling togruta.

Some gunships came to pick up Anakin and Obi-Wan and Rex, and Anakin's domino show didn't stop until the whole avocado factory was destroyed. Everyone watched it from the gunship and congratulated Anakin on his brilliance, but he was too busy pointing out all the blinking red lights on the gunship. Obi-Wan hid in his robes every time Anakin pointed one out, and Rex tried to convince him that not ALL blinking red lights meant bad things. Everything was back to normal, or as normal as it could get with that crowd.

Once they were all back on the cruiser, the governor of Kiros thanked them again and again for saving the planet.

"Yes, well, it was no problem." Anakin said proudly. "I didn't hardly suffer at all from being totally creeped out, and there were even lattices!"

"And it wasn't a problem, being bored to death and all that." Obi-Wan said modestly.

"And when I almost died, no problem." Anakin added.

"And when those people kept hitting Rex and I with glow sticks!"

"And when I had to dress up in a funny hat!"

"And when that guy shocked me with a balloon!"

Ahsoka cleared her throat.

"Sorry, governor. It really was our pleasure."

"Not really what I'd call a pleasurable experience." Anakin contradicted.

"It was our _pleasure_." Ahsoka said through her teeth.

"No it wasn't, Snips,"

"Yes it was."

"No it wasn't."

"Yes it was."

"No it wasn't."

"Yes it was."

"No It wasn't."

"YES it WAS."

Ahsoka smiled hugely at the slightly-offended governor.

"Padawan Tano, may I have a word in private please?" He asked hopefully, probably wanting to thank her without Anakin's interruptions.

"Of course, governor." She consented, still smiling.

She gave Anakin a meaningful backwards glance over her shoulder as she walked off with the togruta.

Anakin gave a muffled cough into his sleeve as she walked off that sounded remotely like 'actually, no it wasn't'.


	2. Chapter 2

**This week's parody, Lux in Need of a Kiss! And SORRY this is SO late! I went on vacation, and I didn't have time to work on it then. Tomorrow's epi should be up on Saturday, or Sunday at the latest! Sorry sorry sorry!**

"Mandolorians show us that Lux isn't as much of a dork as he seems..."

Divided by war! In an effort to end the galactic conflict, the first ever secret meeting between the republic guys and the separatist guys is planned at Duchess Satine Kenobi's house while she's at the grocery store (or so they think…). Tensions are high, as the Republicans and Separatists alike hope that she won't get home early…

"The republic recognizes the tragedy of war, but there is nothing we can change because nobody even cares anymore!" Padme told the group of senators. They were all sitting on Satine's special meeting chairs, without her permission, of course, and things were going rather well. They had managed to discuss how hot General Skywalker of the Republic was… and… yeah… that was about it.

"Say we are legit! SAY IT!" The green Separatist lady yelled at the republic senators.

Ahsoka, who had decided to come to the meeting because she was bored of listening to Anakin's endless rambling about how much he wanted a puppy, and wouldn't a puppy be wonderful, and couldn't we PLEASE get a puppy Snips please please please, but unfortunately, she was just as bored here. So much for legit senators being even HALF as interesting as Anakin was.

"I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!" Lux shouted loudly, barging into the room. Immediately, all the senators in the room began muttering under their breath about how much less dorky Lux looked now that he got a haircut and wasn't wearing the dorkiest waist-high clothes in the galaxy.

"What is HE doing here?" Ahsoka whispered to Padme.

"He's trying to impress you by making a fool of himself." Padme whispered back. Ahsoka rolled her eyes, but mulled over this possibility.

Lux walked down the aisle, stopped in front the throne, and bowed.

Duchess Satine nodded back.

Than the senators freaked out. Everyone had thought that was a realistic statue of Satine, not the real thing! She was so… still most of the time.

"AHHHH LIVING STATUE LIVING STATUE CALL THE POILCE!" The green lady screamed.

"ANAKIN!" Padme shrieked, hugging her chair.

Bail fainted.

"I, Lux Bonteri, son of Mina Bonteri, stand before you, loyal Separatist, patriot, and…hothothothothothothot." Lux stuttered, as he looked at Ahsoka. (A.N. Tobuscus reference? You bet! XD)

The padawan rolled her eyes dramatically, as Lux smiled happily at her.

"It has come to my attention that MY MOTHER WAS MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD!" He yelled at the assembly of senators, most of whom were still trying to get over the shock of finding out that Satine was not a statue.

"THAT IS A LIE!" A fat Separatist guy screamed, jumping out of his seat and waving his arms around wildly. "LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE HANGING ON A TELEPHONE WIRE!"

"How about we play 'The Quiet Game,' Mr. Bonteri." Satine suggested. Hey, the Quiet Game is a Clone Wars favorite, right?

"I WILL NOT BE SILENCED!" Lux screamed. "I WILL NOT I WILL NOT I WILL NOT I WILL NOT PLAY THE QUIET GAME!"

Ahsoka muttered something about him reminding her way too much of Anakin.

"Then you shall die." The green Separatist lady said darkly. He motioned for some droids to take him away, but he still would not be silenced. He was dragged down the hallway, yelling "I WILL NOT BE SILENCED!" very loudly and annoyingly.

"Well, that was annoying. Let us continue." Satine said. The others agreed, and then once again began to discuss the degree of Anakin's hotness.

"We can't let them take him, he'll be killed and painfully tortured!" Ahsoka whispered to Padme, not interested in talking about ANY aspects of her master. She came here to _distract_ herself from him. Rescuing Lux would be much more interesting than this, besides.

"Blah blah blah, I'm not listening." Padme whispered back. Anakin seemed to be rubbing off on everyone these days.

"Fine, I'll go after him myself," Ahsoka grumbled, exiting the throne room.

MEANWHILE, at Dooku's secret Mandalore Base right next to Duchess Satine Kenobi's palace…

The two droids, who had dragged Lux all the way through the snow to a different part of the planet, dropped him on the floor.

"OW!" Lux complained.

"Lux Bonteri." Dooku stated.

"Count Dooku." Lux agreed.

"You have accused me of murder?" Dooku said darkly. "How dare you? I am Count Dooku!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!" Lux yelled at him. "YOU CONFISCATED MY COOL OUTFITS AND MADE ME WEAR DORKY THINGS SO I LOOKED LIKE A FOOL IN FRONT OF THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!"

"I have done a lot of things." Dooku said vaguely. "I remember them from most important to least important, than in alphabetical order, and then from how many people I killed doing them. That way I don't forget."

"I will have my revenge." Lux insisted.

"I think it is time we reacquaint the senator with his mother." Dooku said softly, to no-one.

"Who are you talking to? There's no-one else in the room!" Lux said, confused.

"Shut up and die already." Dooku snapped. Then, like every other stupid bad guy in the book, he closed his hologram and didn't watch the droids kill the prisoner.

Right then, Ahsoka barged in and whacked the droids against the wall with the Force.

"Ahsoka…" Lux said dreamily, mesmerized. "How are you? I'm doing really good, but they just almost killed me… heh… that's okay, we're together now!"

"We. Are. NOT. Together." Ahsoka snapped, grabbing his wrist and leading him to the elevator. There was an awkward silence as they rode down the elevator.

"Ahem." Said Lux.

"Ahem." Said Ahsoka.

"Nice day." Lux observed.

"Yeah." Ahsoka agreed. She shuffled her feet.

Lux fiddled around with his device that tracked Dooku, which he decided not to mention what it did right then.

When they got out of the elevator, the ship parking lot was empty.

"Great… they left without me." Ahsoka shook her head. "Stupid senate guards… where are clones when I need them? They took the ship, darn them! Well, how far away did you park, Lux?"

"Yeah…um... well… uh… I kind of sort of don't have a ship." Lux admitted sheepishly. "Some people accidentally did laser cannons and blew it up, sorta."

"WHAT? So we're STUCK here?" Ahsoka cried, burying her head in her hands. "I don't WANT to be stuck here with you!"

"We'll have to hug to keep warm!" Lux said happily.

"No, we won't." Ahsoka said adamantly. "We're going to go back inside and capture the base!"

"But… there are so many Separatists in there!" Lux complained. "I don't wanna die!"

Ahsoka jabbed him with her elbow playfully. "C'mon Lux, it'll be fun! You take the regular battle droids, and I'll take the commando droids!"

"I don't think it'll be fun." Lux whimpered.

Fortunately for him, a ship appeared out of the blizzard and docked.

"What on earth…?" Ahsoka ignited her lightsabers and faced the ship. The ramp slid down, and a tall, dark figure walked out, rushed up to Ahsoka and hugged the breath out of her.

"!"

It was Anakin.

"Master, you're KILLING me!" She gasped, too out-of-breath to be surprised that he was here.

"OOPS OOPS SORRY I'M SOOO SO SORRY, SNIPS!" Anakin said apologetically, abruptly letting go. Ahsoka took a deep breath of fresh air.

"OOOH OOHHH IS THIS YOUR BOYFRIEND SNIPS! HAI SNIPS' BOYFRIEND!" Anakin shouted. Then he frowned at Lux. "You're not good enough for my Padawan. She's WAY out of your league."

"Master, he _is not_ my boyfriend." Ahsoka said though her teeth. "What are you doing here?"

"Padme called me." Anakin said, smirking. "She said you were in great danger, so then I came to help! Now you have a great dorky boyfriend! Taa daa! Now we hafta go home, Obi-Wan is making tea and we can't miss our appointment!"

"But I have… things… to do!" Lux protested. "You know, with like… people, and stuff!"

Anakin scowled at him. "It's MY ship, and I don't want to give you a ride."

"That's not your ship! It belongs to the Republic!" Lux protested, recognizing the design.

"Not anymore, it doesn't." Anakin said, smirking.

"How many times have I told you NO BORROWING, master!" Ahsoka shouted at him.

"Hey, you aren't glad I came to rescue you?" Anakin said, putting on a mock pouty face.

"Yes, immeasurably! But I wish you'd stop stealing things from random people! It's not… nice!" Ahsoka said in a slightly less agitated tone.

"Race you to the ship!" Lux yelled, running up the ramp.

"He's so childish…" Ahsoka muttered to Anakin. Then she turned around and shouted "HEY THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE BEATING ME, MR BONTERI!" and ran after him.

Anakin sighed "Kids…"

Then he beat both of them to the ship.

"HAHAHAHAHA I WIN!" Anakin yelled in their faces, smirking.

"Cheater! You're six years older than us!" Ahsoka said, crossing her arms.

"But I still won." Anakin pointed out.

Lux and Ahsoka exchanged glances and rolled their eyes.

"I CALL TO DRIVE!" Anakin shouted, happily plopping down in the driver's seat.

"Aww, but I always wanted to drive a republic ship!" Lux whined.

"Too bad!" Anakin said gleefully, as he started the engine. Lux sat in the passenger's seat and pouted. Ahsoka sad on the floor.

Anakin pulled the ship out of Dooku's ship parking lot, and accidentally whacked into a billboard advertising the Dark Side Cookies and knocked it down.

"That's why I should drive." Lux told Anakin. Anakin told him to shut up. Then Lux pushed him out of the driver's seat and pushed some random buttons.

"ZOMG AHHHHHHHH WHAT DID YOU PUSH!" Anakin screamed at Lux, pushing him back out of the seat and pushing more buttons. "WAS IT BLINKING AND RED! 'CUZ IF THERE'S ONE THING MY OL' MASTER TAUGHT ME, IT'S **DON'T PUSH THE BLINKING RED BUTTON!**"

But it was already too late.

They randomly launched into hyperspace, and Ahsoka flew backwards onto the wall.

"Ouch." Anakin and Lux said in unison, as Ahsoka lay on the floor of the ship, unconscious.

"That's why you're supposed to wear seatbelts." Anakin observed.

Artoo rolled in and beeped when he saw Ahsoka on the floor.

"Uh… she's sleeping." Lux stuttered.

"Yep. Really tired she is, Ahsoka! No cause to be alarmed! She sorta just… fell asleep, there." Anakin agreed, a huge fake smile plastered onto his face.

Artoo wasn't buying it.

LATER, WHEN AHSOKA WOKE UP…

"Lux?" She said groggily, rubbing her eyes. She abruptly woke up. "ANAKIN! Ohmyforce, where is Anakin! Last time he went off by himself, I had to write 1,000 apology letters to those people he sprayed spray paint all over… Lux! Anakin!"

She pulled on a snow jacket as fast as she could, and rushed down the ramp of Anakin's stolen ship, her boots crunching in the snow. The good news: she found Lux. He was standing outside with his nose upturned, sniffing the air. The bad news: Anakin was no-where in sight.

"Lux! Lux, where are we and WHERE IS ANAKIN?" She shouted frantically at him.

Lux sniffed the air.

"Sniff sniff." He replied.

"Lux, this is no time for fun and games!" She shouted exasperatedly.

"No, I'm sniffing." Lux explained, sniffing some more. "I smell… flowers. And snow. And trees."

"Great, that's wonderful." Ahsoka mumbled sarcastically.

"And Death Watch." Lux added.

"_What?"_ Ahsoka asked, confused.

Then a bunch of Death Watch guys (AND AN EPICSAUCE DEATH WATCH GIRL!) landed on the snow with their jetpacks.

"Oh. Death Watch." She said.

"Hey kid. You're late." The epicsauce Death Watch girl said, pointing at Lux angrily.

"I'M NOT A LITTLE KID, I'M 16 AND I'M A BIG BOY!" Lux shrieked at her.

"Fine… whatever. Do you have the thing we need?" The Epicsauce Girl asked.

"Uh-huh." Lux said, sounding bored.

"OKAY, WHERE THE HECK ARE WE, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHERE THE HECK IS ANAKIN!" Ahsoka screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Who's this?" The Epicsauce Girl asked Lux.

"Uh… umm… uhh…" Lux stuttered.

Ahsoka hugged Lux tightly. "I'm his assistant!"

"Yes! My assistant!" Lux agreed, smiling widely.

"Your assistant, huh?" The Epicsauce Girl said scornfully. "She's a little fat."

"I am NOT fat!" Ahsoka shouted in her face.

"A little loud, too." The Mandolorian added.

"I AM NOT LOUD!" Ahsoka screamed.

"Actually, you are." The Epicsauce Girl contradicted.

"AM NOT!"

"You are."

"AM NOT!"

"You are too."

"I AM NOT!" Ahsoka's hands balled into fists and she got into a fighting stance.

"HAHA YOU GUYS ARE SO FUNNY!" Lux shouted nervously, getting between Ahsoka and the Epicsauce Girl.

The girl was probably rolling her eyes under the helmet.

"It's starting to snow. We'd better get back to the campsite before we all get snowed in and die." She said reasonably.

Magically, some Mandos with speeders appeared and they all began to load up in them.

"Just FYI, I'm not your real assistant, Lux." Ahsoka whispered to him, as they got into a speeder. "And the second I find my master, we're all getting out of here. And when you get the chance, you NEED to tell me what's going on!"

"Okay!" Lux agreed non-sincerely. He was just sort of staring at her and not actually paying attention to what she was saying.

Ahsoka sighed, and remembered to buckle her seatbelt as they took off.

When they got to the Mandolorian camp, The Epicsauce Girl led Lux and Ahsoka to a tent and announced that Pre Viszla would see them momentarily. Of course… momentarily could mean any number of things. Right then, it meant a pretty boring wait.

"Don't ruin my plan, okay?" Lux hissed at Ahsoka.

"Plan? You have a PLAN?" Ahsoka asked incredulously. "So we're not just here by accident, picked up by some freaky terrorist people in shiny armor and brought to their camp? You brought us here on PURPOSE?"

"Uh… anyways… look at my fun blinking watch!" Lux shoved up his glove and showed her his blinking watch.

"So, what does it do?" Ahsoka asked.

"The guy who sold it to me said that it dispensed candy, but so far the only think it does is track Count Dooku. That's a nice feature though, because I want revenge on him!" Lux explained ecstatically.

"Nice. You still haven't explained what we're doing here, though." Ahsoka said impatiently, tapping her foot on the snowy ground.

Lux rolled his eyes dramatically. "I KNEW I couldn't trust you with this information!"

"WHAT information? You're not even making sense! Listen, Lux, the Death Watch is freaky, even if there is one epic girl in it, and I'm just trying to find Anakin on this dumb planet with weird pink flowers on the trees, so just GO EAT A SOCK OR SOMETHING!"

Lux just kissed her full on the lips.

"You're… making… even less sense…!" Ahsoka shouted through their kiss. "Why are you kissing me right now? This is SO not the time to get romantic! We are in great danger, okay?"

"Are we interrupting something?" Pre Viszla, who was currently at the flap of the tent, asked.

Ahsoka heard a something break behind her. She pushed Lux off of her and flipped around.

She found herself faced with three or so Death Watchers, and her slack-jawed master, holding a hot dog in his right hand. His left hand looked like it was still holding the glass Coca-Cola cup he had just dropped in his shock.

"Hi, master." She blushed incontrollably.

Anakin took a deep breath before saying anything.

"OMG OMG OMG LUX AND AHSOKA WERE KISSING AND IT WAS TOTALLY GROSS!" He suddenly screamed frantically at the Death Watch people. He turned to Ahsoka. "SNIPS WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON I WAS JUST CHECKING OUT THE SALAD BAR ON THIS PLANET IN FACT GUESS WHAT THEY HAVE COCA COLA IN REAL ACTUAL GLASS WHICH I JUST BROKE BY ACCIDENT AND ALSO HOTDOGS WITH KETCHUP AND MUSTARD BUT GUESS WHAT NOT RELISH AND THEN I CAME BACK TO EXPLORE THE TENTS OF THE DEATH WATCH GUYS WITH COOL ARMOR AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU WERE TOTALLY KISSING YOUR BOYFRIEND AND ZOMG WHAT IN THE GALAXY?"

He fainted.

"I don't know him." Pre Viszla said, looking at Anakin funny and taking a step away from his unconscious form.

"I… do." Ahsoka admitted.

"Assistants are not permitted to attend meetings." Viszla informed her. "You must go to the tent of shame! MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Okay… no problem." Ahsoka said, only glad to get out of there. The Epicsauce Girl kindly directed her to the tent of shame, and she dragged her master's body a couple of feet in the snow until she got there.

Meanwhile, Lux and Viszla had a very important and boring meeting about how cool Lux's blinking watch that supposedly dispensed candy and tracked Count Dooku was. Naturally, being the leader of the Death _Watch_, Viszla wanted to buy it from him. They spent some long boring hours haggling over the price of the cool watch, but we don't need to get into _that._

"Thanks for directing us here." Ahsoka thanked the Epicsauce Girl.

"Not a problem, assistant." She said, probably smirking under her helmet. Well, Ahsoka wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

"Call me that again, and-"But he Epicsauce Girl had already left. The room had a couple of people who looked like Eskimos in tsar clothing, and some cooking utensils and ingredients.

"Shhhh! You don't want to make them angry!" A girl nearby Ahsoka whispered. "They are far from Russian."

(A.N. I really thought she said Russian instead of rational at first, because the girl does look like a Russian with the tsar clothes! And I was like "whaaaat?" XD)

"Tell me about it. But what are they going to do if I make them angry, blind me with their shiny armor?" Ahsoka asked, feeling somewhat depressed. She half-heartedly kicked her master, but he didn't wake up.

"Okay, sorry. Bad day." She smiled at the girl. "I'm Ahsoka."

"And I am Tryla,(sp?)" The girl said.

Then a really obnoxious Mando guy came in.

"We feast! Prepare the food! Your masters are hungry!" he ordered them, and left, laughing very hard as his own joke.

Anakin shot upwards.

"HUNGRY! FOOD! YUMMYYY!" His head spun wildly around him. "FOOD FOOD WHERE'S THE FOO—TENT FLAP! It's flapping in the wind!" Anakin jumped up and tried to straighten the tent flap that was causing him so much angst, but unfortunately for him, it kept flapping.

"IT'S FLAPPING!" He wailed at Ahsoka.

"It's okay," She assured him. An evil smile crept across her face. "And guess what, master? You get to do your favorite thing in the _whole world_ now!"

"DANCE AROUND LIKE A CHICKEN AND BLOW ON MY HARMONICA AT THE SAME TIME?" Anakin guessed happily.

"Close, but no. You get to make _dinner_!" Ahsoka said enthusiastically, passing him a frying pan.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Anakin screamed in exuberant joy and grabbed the pan, whacking himself lightly on the head in excitement.

Ahsoka grinned, as Anakin threw a cabbage into his pan and added tobasco sauce.

"Now, watch the magic happen." She told the Eskimos.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

At dinner…

Ahsoka, along with the Eskimos, smugly served a bowl of Anakin's "soup" to every Mandolorian in the dining tent. She didn't warn any of them who the chef was. Well, except Lux.

"Careful not to choke on your soup." She whispered to him, as she put the bowl in his gloved hands. "Guess who made it?"

Lux guessed. He shoved it as far from his seat on the table as it was possible and covered his mouth.

Ahsoka happily watched, as the members of the Death Watch choked and sputtered and gasped for water.

Anakin, who had "borrowed"some death watch armor and was now going by Pre Anakin, checked on everyone in the dining tent and asked them how the soup was. They told him it was quite interesting, though their choking. When he offered them more, however, he was politely –and frantically, in some cases- declined.

When the Eskimo king and his advisors walked in, there was lots of soup spraying everywhere and coughing and choking and gasping and rapidly drinking of water, or whatever kind of liquid the poor Mandolorians could get a hold of.

His conclusion was that the whole lot of them were VERY sick (Hey, hot soup, coughing, drinking lots of liquid… you can't blame the guy!) and he rushed out of there ASAP with the advisors trailing behind.

Pre Anakin chased after them and tried to offer them some soup, trying to be hospitable even though it wasn't his house, but they were too afraid of catching whatever awful sickness that the Death Watch had acquired.

Pre Anakin walked despondently back to the tent, and pouted that everyone hated his soup. The Mandolorians, nice people that they were –well, except to assistants, apparently- all assured their _ner vod_ that it was very good soup, but refused to eat any more, supposedly because their first bowl had been so filling. Not surprisingly, when cleaning up, Ahsoka and Tryla found that every single Death Watcher had dumped their soup on the floor under the table.

xxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

Ahsoka woke up the next morning to Anakin screaming in her ear.

"SIX THIRTY SIX THIRTY SIX THIRTY, _SNIPS'IKA_! WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UPPP! TO WAKE UP AT SIX THIRTY IS A MANDOLORIAN TRADITION!"

Ahsoka turned over in her sleeping bag, slapping his helmeted head.

"Unnh… Don't call me _Snips'ika_. You're taking this Mandolorian thing wayyyy too far. I didn't even know you spoke it… we need to get out of here, and as soon as we can borrow a speeder and snatch Lux."

"Hypocrite." Anakin mumbled. "Wake up then, Snips-not-ika! Can we borrow one of those sweet shooting guns?"

"No. No borrowing." Ahsoka mumbled, pulling the blanket over her head.

Anakin pulled it right off. "C'mon Snips! We're going to do _Kandosii_ Mandolorian things!"

"Stop speaking Mando." Ahsoka muttered, pulling it back on.

Pre Anakin pulled it off and threw it across the room, and Ahsoka shivered in her snow jacket.

"Why'd you do that, Masturr?" She slurred, curling up into a ball.

"Come ON Snips! Don't make me drag you five miles with cables!" Pre Anakin threatened non-sincerely.

"What? Why would you do that?" She asked, confused and still drowsy.

He just picked her up and carried her outside, where the Mandos were preparing to leave. Then he decided she was too heavy, and dropped her in the snow. That got her awake.

"MASTER! You DROPPED me in the SNOW!" She shouted indignantly, sitting up on the cold, wet ground.

"Well, it woke you up, didn't' it?" Pre Anakin said, brushing his hands off.

Ahsoka sighed, and stood up.

"Seen Lux? He kissed me, remember that? I need to tell him a thing or two about being romantic…"

"Kiss…" Pre Anakin said, and fainted on the snow.

"LOOK, IT'S A LATTICE MASTER!" Ahsoka shouted, pointing at the nearby tent. Pre Anakin lurched into consciousness.

"LATTICE! Whew! I'm awake! Lux… I saw him in one of those tents. They all look the _same!" _He complained.

"Hey, are you guys coming?" The Epicsauce Girl asked them. "We're leaving now."

"OOHHH WAIT UP _NER VOD_! I'M COMING!" Pre Anakin shouted, jumping into a speeder bike. Ahsoka had no choice but to follow him, or be stuck at the boring base all day.

"Lux can wait, I suppose…" She said, jumping into the speeder bike beside Pre Anakin.

The ride to wherever they were going was not enjoyable. This was mainly due to the fact that Pre Anakin played on his harmonica loudly and out of tune for the whole ride, and when he wasn't doing that, he sang the Vode An and slapped Ahsoka. Don't ask me how he knows that song, because I really don't know.

When they finally got there (there being a small village),

Some Death Watchers led Tryla and the other people -who Ahsoka hadn't seen there up until now- out of their speeder, and the Eskimos ran to hug their relatives.

"Okay, our job here is done, move out _a'nade!" _Viszla shouted.

"I think I'm going to tear up!" The Epicsauce Girl said, brushing her helmet visor as she watched the Eskimos reunited with their families.

"YAY! We did a good deed!" Pre Anakin said happily, clapping his hands.

"But… I thought the Mandolorians were brutal killers!" Ahsoka stuttered.

"We're not as bad as you think, _Snips'ika_," Pre Anakin told her, jabbing her with his elbow.

"YOU are not a Mandolorian!" She yelled at him, exasperated.

"_Cin Vhetin_, remember _Snips'ika_?" Anakin said absentmindedly.

"NO! I DON'T remember! You're a JEDI!" Ahsoka sighed. So Anakin thought he was a Mandolorian. Well, if it made him happy…

"Time to go, we can't do this all day!" Viszla shouted at Anakin. People tended to ignore assistants.

"Wait just a sec! I have to see something really fast!" Pre Anakin shouted back. The thing he had to see was if he could light his man-skirt that went with the outfit on fire with some matches that he found in the pocket of his borrowed armor. It worked, unfortunately, and he ran around screaming "MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!"

Typical Anakin thing to do.

"Save him, Ahsoka!" Tryla yelled.

"Okay okay! Roll around in the snow, master!" Ahsoka shouted urgently at him.

"THAT WOULD SHAME MY HONOR!" Pre Anakin wailed.

"FORGET HONOR! What do you do in a fire? TUCK AND ROLL!" She practically screamed at him.

"NO!"

Eskimos and Mandolorians alike watched him curiously as he ran around screaming hysterically and waving his helmet around.

"AHA!" Lux suddenly appeared on the scene of the crisis, flying on a jetpack. "LUX TO THE RESCUE!"

He dumped a bucket of water on Pre Anakin, and the fire went out.

"Now my honor is still intact!" A sopping wet Pre Anakin said gleefully, his hair plastered onto his face from the water that Lux had poured onto him.

Ahsoka took a deep breath.

"No matches, remember? Haven't we talked about the matches?"

Pre Anakin unhappily handed over his matches and put his helmet back on to sulk inside it.

"How was that for romantic?" Lux asked Ahsoka, smirking as he landed beside her.

"Well, it was all right. But you did save _him_, instead of me, you know." She said.

"Oh, same difference." Lux agreed happily, staring dreamily at her once again.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

A little while afterwards, when they arrived at the camp…

"I really wish we hadn't sledded back to camp pulled by wire cables." Lux muttered, getting out of the sled.

"You can say that again," Ahsoka agreed, shooting Anakin a murderous glance.

"What?" Pre Anakin asked innocently.

"You kept PUSHING us OFF!" Ahsoka shouted at him.

"But you were making me squished!" He protested.

"YOU were making US fall off because you PUSHED us!" Lux said, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Heh… um…snowball!" Pre Anakin threw a snowball at his face. It hit it's mark.

Lux threw one at him in response.

"Guys!" Ahsoka yelled.

They pummeled her with snowballs.

Laughing, she threw her mittens at them and retreated… right into a speeder.

"Hey guys! We ought to borrow THIS!" She shouted backwards at them.

"OOOOOOOH SHINY!" Pre Anakin yelled, running to hug the speeder.

"I'm good with that." Lux agreed.

"But…" Pre Anakin abruptly stopped hugging the thing "What about all my _ner vod_?"

Ahsoka facepalmed. "Right…"

"Well, that's okay! I didn't really like the skirt anyways, and the armor sort of itches." Pre Anakin pulled his armor off, to reveal his regular old Jedi outfit.

He ran inside the tent to hug his Mandolorian friends, and all the Death Watchers came outside to wave goodbye to all of them. No-one really seemed to care that that the speeder they were about to drive away in.

"BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Pre-no-longer Anakin yelled, waving as Lux drove the speeder off.

"Good thing they didn't chase us on jetpacks and try to kill us!" Lux said happily, and sort of randomly. "And good thing Ahsoka didn't have to stand on the back and fight, because that would be unsafe!"

"Yep! Because everyone knows, you always have to wear your seatbelt!" Anakin agreed.

He and Lux exchanged knowing glances, and were very eager to become suddenly oblivious of Ahsoka.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

Back in the ship…

"Well, that was a great adventure! I'm SO glad I borrowed this ship!" Anakin said. He was leaning back in his chair with his feet resting on the controls, but no-one was objecting.

"Yeah. And you know, Lux isn't so bad when you get to know the-" Ahsoka interrupted herself "Where IS Lux?"

"He said he needed to use the bathroom in the escape pod." Anakin replied, sounding bored.

"Why didn't he use the regular bathroom?" Ahsoka wanted to know.

Anakin shrugged "Ask him."

Ahsoka did just that.

She climbed downstairs, and wasn't surprised to find Lux inside the escape pod.

"LUX!" She banged on the window "LUX CAN YOU HEAR ME!"

Lux whirled around "Ahsoka!"

"Yeah! What are you doing! We have a bathroom in the ship, you know!" She yelled.

"It's okay, I can hear you just fine. This window isn't really soundproof." Lux said, covering his ears.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

There was an awkward silence.

"So, what are you doing in this escape pod anyways?" Ahsoka asked.

"I can't stay with you, Ahsoka. You know that." Lux said sadly.

"What? That doesn't make sense! You never do! _Stay _with me?" Ahsoka looked slightly frustrated with his lack of sense.

"We make a pretty good team, don't we?" Lux said, looking at her dazedly.

"Yeah… except we weren't a team. Anakin was with us, and he ruined everything." Ahsoka said. She's very literal sometimes.

"Don't worry. We'll meet again. It wouldn't be romantic to kiss through the glass right now, would it?" Lux said awkwardly.

"No, it wouldn't. When people are separated by glass, they usually pretend to touch hands." Ahsoka said, quite the expert, having watched a lot of holomovies.

"Oh."

Ahsoka put her hand on the glass.

Lux did the same.

"This is kind of silly." He muttered.

"I agree. Well, see ya around Lux." She smiled at him "You're not such a bad guy at all."

"And you're positively amazing." Lux said. The escape pod took off, and the blackness of space separated them forever. (Sorry, that was poetic, I had to put it there. XD)

Ahsoka walked back into the cockpit, where Anakin was chewing some gum he found underneath his chair.

"Where's your boyfriend, Snips? Dumped you already? Let's go hunt him down and slaughter him and make him pay!"

Ahsoka made a face.

"We were never _together_, Master,"

"Awww… but can I still hunt him down and slaughter him? I'm bored!"

"No, you can't hunt him down and slaughter him, I like him."

"Well I would like to _kill_ him!"

"Well that's too bad."

Anakin sighed.

"Okay… want some gum? I found it under the seat!"

"No THANK you!" Ahsoka yelled squeamishly.

"Well, I'm bored. Can we at least maim him a little?" Anakin asked hopefully.

"No!" Ahsoka shouted.

"How about detach his head from him?"

"No."

"How about chop his hair off?"

"Um, no."

"Impale him a little?"

"No."

"Knock him unconscious?"

"No."

"Put a banana in front of him so he slips and falls painfully?"

"No! Will you STOP?"

"Nope… I'm bored and this is fun."

"Ugh…" Ahsoka sighed.

"Can we hit him over the head with a DVD player?"

"No."

**Sorry about all the KT Mando references. I know, I know, Karen Traviss Mandolorians DO NOT mix with Clone Wars, but I couldn't resist :P And I love Anakin so much, I had to replace Artoo with him. XD  
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	3. Chapter 3

**Here is is! I said Sunday, and it's Sunday! HAH! Take that, you evil non-updating streak inside my head!**** Um… forget I said that. It's Wednesday. Sunday was a couple of days ago… but I wrote that a couple of days ago, thinking that I'd get it finished … and I didn't. XD Anywayzz, This week's parody- The Deception Parody That Doesn't Have a Funny Parodied Name! (No, seriously… I'm too lazy to think of a good enough one. XD)**

"All warfare is based on banana air fresheners."

A terrorist threat! Morallo Eval, an evil mastermind, has hatched a Separatist plot to kidnap Chancellor Palpatine. He has been captured by republic forces, but even with the criminal behind bars, rumors swirl around in the underworld of Coruscant that Morallo's plot has already been set in motion! With precious time running out, the Jedi Council hatches their own plot, or tries to! Little do they know, that a plot will not hatch from the egg that they bought at the grocery store…

"So, what's the rush?" Anakin asked Obi-Wan. They were strolling around in the underworld of Coruscant, not looking like they were in much of a rush at all.

"We're not rushing, Anakin." Obi-Wan reminded him.

"Yes we are too! Look! The script says so!" Anakin said adamantly, shoving a stack of papers in Obi-Wan's face.

"Script?" Ahsoka looked a little confused, and rightly so.

"Yep! Your next line is 'Would you rather they corral you in to train younglings?'"

"I wasn't going to say that!" Ahsoka said, folding her arms across her chest.

"You were so. The script says."

"What _else_ does your script say?" She asked boredly.

"I don't know. I usually read it as it happens! That makes it more exciting!" Anakin explained. "Did you know that you're CRAZY! And I thought I was crazy! But I'm not! Well, at least the script doesn't mention me being crazy…"

Ahsoka took his script with a grain of salt. Obi-Wan didn't, though. He tried to look over Anakin's shoulder so he could see it, but he found that he was too short.

"Anakin, let me see the script!" He pleaded.

"No. Go get your own script!" Anakin said un-generously, shoving the script inside his pocket so Obi-Wan couldn't get it.

Obi-Wan crossed his arms like Ahsoka and pouted about it.

"Ooh, now guess what? There's a snip-"

Suddenly a sniper started shooting at them from the roof. The three Jedi didn't deflect the shots with their lighsabers. They hid behind some boxes in fear. Yeah.

"Any idea where that shot came from?" Obi-Wan shouted at Anakin and Ahsoka.

"SNIPER! I TOLD you! The script is always right!" Anakin said smugly.

"Will you quit it with the script?" Ahsoka snapped at him. "Neither of you have _any_ sense of danger!"

"Okay, here's the plan! Anakin, you flank him on the right! Ahsoka, you cover him on the streets! I'm going after him!" Obi-wan said.

"You're not the boss of me!" Anakin said, sticking his tongue out. He checked his script, then decided to do what Obi-Wan said.

"What does 'cover the streets' mean?" a slightly-frantic Ahsoka asked. But both of them were already gone. So she just ran after Anakin.

_Then _they ignited their lightsabers and went barging through the streets.

"Master, what are we_ doing_?" Ahsoka asked, sounding quite confused as she attempted to keep up with him.

"Running running running!" Anakin called backwards at her.

"Running _where?_ I can't see this guy! Where is he?" She shouted.

"Uh… I don't know." Anakin skidded to a stop really fast, and Ahsoka skidded into _him._

"I lost him!" He yelled at Obi-Wan through his commlink. "Have you found him? Obi-Wan! Do you have anything?"

"Shhhh, Anakin! I'm sneaking up on him!" Obi-Wan whispered through the comm.

Suddenly, Anakin and Ahsoka heard blaster shots.

"OW!"Obi-Wan shouted.

"OBI-WAN!" Anakin yelled frantically, reading from his script.

"I'll go slaughter that guy just like Lux, you go perform CPR on Obi-Wan!" Anakin shouted, running as fast as he could after the guy he wanted to slaughter before Ahsoka could object.

"But I don't KNOW CPR!" She shouted after him. But Anakin was already gone. She rushed to Obi-Wan's side, and felt for a pulse.

A couple minutes later, Anakin ran up to them as fast as he could.

"The guy escaped just like it said in the script." He announced breathlessly.

"Master…" Ahsoka looked up at him tearfully.

Anakin looked at his script. Then he looked at it again, blinking.

"It says Obi-Wan is DEAD!" He cried, throwing his script to the ground and stomping it to bits. "Well guess what? I don't even like this stupid kriffing thing!"

Then he picked it back up and straightened it out.

"That's the last page." He said desolately. "There are NO MORE PAGES to say that Obi-Wan isn't really dead!"

"That CAN'T be the last page!" Ahsoka cried, snatching the papers from him. She was starting to believe that Anakin wasn't making up stories about this script.

Sure enough, the last sentence was

"Kenobi: (Is on the floor, motionless and 'dead')"

"Well, where's the rest of it?" She shouted.

"In the drain." Anakin said sheepishly, shuffling his feet.

"_What?"_

"I accidentally dropped it in the bathtub, and now it's stuck in the drain."

Ahsoka put her head in her hands.

"This is not good… this is SO not good." She muttered, as Anakin tried to shake Obi-Wan awake.

"Having second thoughts, Master Yoda?" Mace asked Yoda, as the two of them walked through a hallway of the Jedi Temple.

"Hmmn, heading down a dark path, we are." Yoda said.

Mace rolled his eyes.

"We talked about this, Yoda. Enough with the whole "Dark Side" obsession. Not EVERYTHING is a pawn of the Dark Side, got it? Killing a Jedi is the best move we had."

"The Dark Path you are following, Master Girly Lightsaber! Be wary of your angry feelings, you must. Kill Kenobi, YOU did! POLICE POLICE FOUND A SERIAL KILLER I DID, TO ARREST HIM, COME, BEFORE GET MORE INNOCENTS HE DOES!" Yoda screamed frantically.

"Don't you remember the PLAN, Yoda?" Mace asked exasperatedly, as they walked into the medcenter. "And that is NOT my name. My name is MACE WINDU."

Yoda ignored that last statement. "No, what plan was this? Wait, tainted by the Dark Side, your vision has become! Not trust you, I can! NOT TRUST ANYONE I CAN!"

"Quit it with the paranoia, will you?" Mace snapped. "He's alive, I didn't kill him! Look." He pushed aside a cloth. Voila! Obi-Wan!

"Hmph. Fine." Yoda muttered.

"So, how was my funeral?" Obi-Wan asked them.

"Frankly, not so great." Mace said. "Skywalker was waving some script around in everyone's faces and screaming something about his bathtub… didn't quite catch it. He's pretty desperate. Everyone else is heartbroken about you."

"Better actor than YOU, your corpse is." Yoda mumbled "Actually LOOK dead, the corpse did. Not look so dead, you did."

"Hey! I looked pretty darn dead!" Obi-Wan protested.

"No, not you did. Look like faking to be dead, you were, you did! Cannot believe Skywalker fell for it, I do!" Yoda shouted at him. "Skywalker big fat bum, he must be. Maybe sense that alive, you are, he will sometime. Already, he should have sensed it! A lot more sensible, people usually are in EU books, hmmn? "

"Well _excuse me_ for not dying good enough for you." Obi-Wan pouted.

"Excused you are." Yoda said smugly.

"What's done is done. We don't have all day! We need to get your transformation underway, Kenobi." Mace said hurriedly.

"But I don't want to shave my lovely locks!" Obi-Wan cried.

"Too bad, that is!" Yoda snapped at him. Obi-Wan crossed his arms and allowed the shaving droid to begin shaving him.

"*sigh* tell me about my target." The Jedi Master said, shuddering as he watched his lovely locks fall to the floor.

"Morrallo Eval is your target." Mace explained, popping up a blue hologram of Obi-Wan's target. It was a very ugly alien.

"AAAH!" Obi-Wan shouted, frenetically hiding behind the droid that had shaved half of his head.

"For goodness' sake, Kenobi! Not REAL, he is!" Yoda said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh." Obi-Wan said sheepishly. He sat back down on his medcenter chair and allowed the droid to continue shaving his head.

"He will attempt to assassinate the Chancellor at the Harvest Festival on Naboo," Mace continued "We tried to make a deal with him, but apparently he doesn't like mangos."

"That's too bad…" Obi-Wan said. "Ooh, you know what we ought to do? PLAY HIDE'N SEEK!" he exclaimed, leaping upwards.

"Not a game, is this, Obi-Wan! Great, the risks, they are!" Yoda shouted at him.

"But so are the prizes if you win!" Obi-Wan shouted. "You could get the JACKPOT prize! Is it CANDY!"

"No. It's not. Just information, about Dooku and Grievous, it is." Yoda informed him

"Oh." Obi-Wan said boredly. He sat back down and felt his head and his face, shedding a couple of tears for his lovely locks on the floor.

"Facial transformation shot is ready." A medical droid announced.

Obi-Wan shot up.

"SHOT! NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A SHOT!" He screamed hysterically, hiding under his medical chair in terror.

"Calm down, Kenobi. Not a shot, it is." Yoda said, rolling his huge eyes.

"Oh… what is it?" Obi-Wan whimpered, crawling back out

"An injection." Mace explained.

"What's an injection?" Obi-Wan asked innocently.

Mace nodded to the droid.

"!" Obi-Wan screamed. "SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT!" He hopped around the room in pain, oblivious to the fact that his face was changing.

A couple of minutes later, he was fine.

"You told me it wasn't a shot." He pouted.

"Not a shot, it was!" Yoda insisted. "Now wrap your head in toilet paper, you must, Kenobi."

"What?" Mace and Obi-Wan said at once, looking confused.

"Just DO it, you must." Yoda said.

Obi-Wan did it.

Then Yoda jumped on top of the medical chair, and held up a hand mirror. He unwrapped the toilet paper, and Obi-Wan gasped, then fainted.

"What was the toilet paper for?" Mace asked Yoda.

"DUH, that is, Master Girly Lightsaber! For dramatic effect, it was! Do it in movies, they do!" Yoda explained, jumping up and down on the medical chair happily.

"That's NOT my name, and they don't use _toilet paper_ in movies." Mace said, rolling his eyes.

Yoda whacked him on the head with his gimer staff for being so annoying.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

Rake Hardeen walked into the room behind the cantina to find a guy spinning around in a swivel chair. It was kind of dark in the part of the room where the dude was spinning, so he couldn't see his face. This was where he was supposed to get paid… but this guy COULDN'T be his employer. Could he?

The guy stopped spinning, and Rake heard the sound of paper's rustling.

"Hello, Rake Hardeen. You did precisely the job we hired you for. You will find your credits right next to me and this fun chair that spins." The guy said, obviously trying to be dark and scary, but failing epically. He pointed to the credits, just to make sure Rake understood where they were. He rolled his chair into the light, and Rake took a step back. This guy had the same FACE as him.

"But first we need one more thing… your clothes. Force, that sounded wrong." Obi-Wan facepalmed at himself.

"WHAT?" Rake said, seriously weirded out right then.

Mace groaned, and stepped out of the shadows. "I TOLD you I should do it, Kenobi! That was hardly dramatic at all! You weren't supposed to spin! Ugh."

"I couldn't help it." Obi-Wan muttered quietly.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

"This doesn't make sense!" Ahsoka tried to tell Anakin, as he went 200 MPH on the airway. Yeah, he likes to speed. "Did Master Yoda tell you HOW they found the script? You know, I think they just told you they know where it is because they want you out of their hair."

"They wouldn't do that!" Anakin said defensively "They KNOW where it is!"

"Okay, where? Did they even give you a location?" Ahsoka asked.

"Um… no. But I'll sense it when we get there!" Anakin said, narrowly missing another speeder.

"Just focus on the road, okay!" Ahsoka shouted at him.

"Okay!" Anakin agreed, swerving out of the way of a billboard of Chancellor Palpatine.

"Worst. Driver. Ever." Ahsoka muttered, gripping the bottom of her seat as if her life depended on it. (it probably DID)

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

"How many times to I have to tell you this story?" Rake complained. "I'm SICK of this story!"

He was tied to Obi-Wan's swivel chair, however, so he had to do what they said.

"Just one more time!" Mace said happily.

"Fine." Rake cleared his throat."Once upon a time I took off in my speeder, and I got a ride here. That's it. THE END."

"Keep telling it." Mace told him. "I'm recording it so I can hear it over and over later!"

"This is stupid!" Rake yelled at him exasperatedly.

Mace glared at him. He gulped.

"Once upon a time I took off in my speeder, and I got a ride here." Rake said boredly.

"That should be enough… Kenobi, swallow this recording device." Mace instructed.

Obi-Wan, who had decided that adding some of his own graffiti to the walls would be a lot more interesting than whatever Mace was doing, stopped drawing happy faces for a second and looked at him funny.

"Huh?"

"Swallow it!" Mace told him impatiently.

"How do you figure that's going to work?" Obi-Wan asked, rolling his eyes.

"Just do it, Kenobi. I'll only tell you how it's going to work AFTER you swallow it." Mace said.

Obi-Wan sighed. He took the recording device from Mace's outstretched hand and gulped it down.

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Mace started rolling on the floor laughing so hard he dropped his sketchpad (it's an inside joke xP).

"So, how does it work?" Obi-Wan asked impatiently "It's really uncomfortable!"

"BECAUSE… THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE… THAT WAS… PRICELESS!" Mace shouted, through bursts of laughter.

"That wasn' t funny. " Obi-Wan muttered unhappily.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

Anakin and Ahsoka walked into a bar. What did they say?

Okay, sorry, no corny jokes. XD

Anakin and Ahsoka walked into a bar, and Anakin ignited his lightsaber. Everyone stopped whatever they had been doing and stared at him.

"Where is my script?" He growled at them. Ahsoka elbowed him in the stomach, but he paid her no mind.

"Uhh I really don't know… check in the back room, I guess." The snake bartender said.

Anakin led the way into the back room, Ahsoka muttering about how "non legit" this whole thing was.

There was a guy who looked REALLY similar to Rake Hardeen on the bed.

"Bounty hunter, not script, master." Ahsoka said, in her smart-alec-y I-SO-told-you-so voice. "And EEW. Is he dead?"

Anakin cracked his knuckles. "He's about to be, if he doesn't tell me where he's hidden my script…"

He turned the guy over in his bed.

"Rake" rolled over and looked at Anakin groggily. "Pizza man? I already had peanut butter today." He mumbled in a perfect British-sorry, CORUSCANTI- accent, pulling a blanket over his head and cuddling it.

"He's not dead… HE'S DRUNK!" Anakin shouted at Ahsoka angrily.

"Yes. That's a pretty typical state for a bounty hunter to be in." Ahsoka told him disinterestedly.

"GET UP, YOU FILTH!" Anakin shouted, dragging the man out of his bed. "I'm not the pizza man, fool! I'm the chosen one!"

"Whaddabout my shoes? They're not on my feet." The guy observed dazedly, his eyes rolling.

Anakin pinned him against a wall.

"If it was up to me, I'd kill you now. But it's not. Plus, I need you to tell me where my script is… so yeah, where is it?"

"My name is Rake and I like Chicken." said 'Rake.'

"No! NOT chicken!" Anakin screamed in his face. "SNIPSSSSSS! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS GUY OR SOMETHING BECAUSE HE'S DRIVING ME BONKERS! – Oh look, a banana! There's a banana air freshener in here! I KNEW IT!" he grabbed the sticky air freshener shaped like a banana and sniffed it happily.

"Sniff it, Snips! It smells so wonderful!" He shoved it under her nose, and she gagged.

"Master, that is one AWFUL air freshener! What is that scent supposed to be, anyways?"

"Banana!" Anakin said cheerfully. "But you're supposed to smell it from far away, not close! Wanna smell it, Rake?"

Rake muttered a negative response, but Anakin shoved it under his nose anyways. "Isn't is nice? It's like perfume!"

"Yeah, dunghill perfume." Ahsoka said under her breath.

"Well, come on. I'm taking you into custody until I can get the information of where my script is out of you by whacking your head with a DVD player. Oh boy oh boy, I've always _wanted _to do that!" Anakin said, suddenly giddy. "Come on, hurry up! We have to get you to jail!"

Ahsoka rolled her eyes, as Anakin happily dragged the poor guy out of the back room.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

A couple hours later, at the Jail…

"Here." Anakin said, begrudgingly handing Rake over to the clones at the Republic Jail on Coruscant. Ever since the Council had told him that he would not be allowed to interrogate the prisoner by bashing him on the head with a DVD player, he had been in a considerably bad mood, sulking and kicking almost anything in his path.

He wouldn't say anything else to the troopers, whom he currently loathed for taking away the criminal he SO wanted to bash with a DVD player. Or maybe even a Blu-Ray player.

He didn't stop sulking until he and Ahsoka got back to their apartment, which had been fully stocked with all the banana air fresheners in the temple. How nice of all the Jedi to donate their fresheners, once they heard that Anakin actually _liked_ the smell of them! Unfortunately, Ahsoka didn't appreciate the gesture quite as much as her master…

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

Obi-Wan forked his 'food' for the thirtieth time, and stirred it on his plate. It was green, and mushy, and he didn't like how it smelled at all. He wasn't even going to attempt to taste it. He very much wished that he had remembered to pack food when he went to prison. Instead, he had packed some rocks from Yosemite, a tutu, a wacom tablet, The Hunger Games, some marbles, a basketball, tissues, his palm tree named Steve, and his teddy named Yolanda. He didn't really want to eat any of those things, but if worst came to worst, he supposed that the tissues could go. And the rocks, except they might be poisonous from germs, because he had gotten them off the actual ground, which was dirty.

His thoughts were interrupted by a shark man, walking up to him.

"Hey, what's up man?" The shark guy asked.

"This food smells terrible. I don't even want to taste it." Rake-Wan (let's just call him that, okay?) complained. "But I'm really hungry, and I don't want to eat the tissues."

"Try the vegetables. They're better than the green stuff." The shark man suggested.

"I DID try the vegetables! And then I spat them out! And then I made a song about it! Wanna hear?" without waiting to see if the shark man wanted to hear, Rake-Wan burst into song. "OOOHHHH I TRIED THE VEGETABLES AND THEN I THREW THEM UP BECAUSE THEY WERE DIGUSTINGGGG LALALALALAAA AND THEN I PUT THEM IN THE TRASH CAN!"

"You're crazy!" The shark guy shouted at him, quickly moving off to another table.

Rake-Wan sighed. He missed Anakin. If Anakin were here, he'd be singing the vegetable song right along with him

Morallo Eval sat next to him on the table.

Rake-Wan let out a high-pitched screech, and ducked under the table.

He counted to five, and then got back up.

"Hello, my name is Rake-Wan Kenobi and I am not afraid of you." He announced. "How are you today?"

"Not great. Say, when you killed that Jedi, was it for money, or for revenge?"

Rake-Wan was milliseconds from blurting out that he did no such thing, when he remembered his cover.

"Umm… I was just bored." He improvised.

"HAHAHAH that's so funny!" Eval said "Here, try the hot sauce. It makes everything taste better."

Rake-Wan shook his head vigorously. "NOo NO NO NO! Last time Anakin tried to pull that on me, I couldn't feel my mouth for DAYS!"

Eval shrugged.

"Suit yourself, dude. See ya later, byes!" he got up and left, and Obi-Wan patted himself on the back for not cowering in fear under the table from the scary ugly man more than once.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

"Oh, what a coincidence!"Rake-Wan said, secretly dreading the fact that he was SHARING a CELL with the guy he really hated.

"No coincidence. I am Morallo Eval." Morallo Eval informed him.

"I knew that…" Rake-Wan said.

"So… wanna assassinate the Chancellor with me?" Eval asked.

"No… not really, no." Rake-Wan declined politely. "We should all go out for tea and get along, how 'bout?"

"No. I like my plan better." Eval insisted. "And if you don't forget everything Morallo Eval just said about my secret plan, Morallo Eval will have you slaughtered."

Rake-Wan always hated bad guys who referred to themselves in third person, too. He found it very annoying. And frightening.

"Excuse me!" Cad Bane cleared his throat. He was there too, apparently.

Rake-Wan nearly died. Instead, he just fainted, and the guards hauled him out of the cell…

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't lift those stupid weights. They weighed as much as he did, for the Force's sake! So he cut straight to the chase. He called Yoda and Mace at the temple.

"Hi, this is Ben." He said.

"Who Ben, it is, Master Girly Lightsaber?" Yoda wanted to know. "Prank caller, he must be! Twisted by the Dark Side, our phone line has become! HANG UP YOU MUST, MASTER GIRLY LIGHTSABER!"

Mace sighed.

"That's Obi-Wan. Remember how we turned him into an ugly guy so he could infiltrate that prison?"

Yoda shook his head.

"You don't remember ANY of the plan?" Mace said, groaning. "Force… he drives me nuts. Hello, 'Ben' why are you going by that name? I thought we established that you were Rake Hardeen."

"I am, but I just like the name Ben better." He explained simply.

"Mace made a mental note to have a talk with Obi-Wan about abruptly changing the plan without notifying the other members of the party.

"Anyways, Bane is breaking Eval out of prison, and I'm going with them." Rake-Wan continued "I HATE the dumb stupid food in this place!"

"Foolish we would have to be, to believe that you are not pranking us." Yoda told Rake-Wan coldly.

"Gotta go, Kenobi. Yoda and I need to have a talk about the plan… again." Mace said exasperatedly, hanging up on Rake-Wan/Ben.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

"Hey! Hardeen!" Boba Fett, who was barely recognizable because he got a haircut, walked up to Rake-Wan and tipped his tray over.

"What are you doing! That was my last good box of tissues!" Rake-Wan cried, scrambling to the floor and trying to dust off his tissues. Yes, he had resorted to eating those.

"I was being annoying." Boba explained. He picked up a tissue and threw it in a random direction. "FOOD FIGHT!" he shouted. Soon enough, all of the prisoners were throwing their food at each other. Green muck flew. Sauce containers crashed. Poor Rake-Wan hid under a table and waited for people to stop throwing food at his head.

Eval tapped him on the back. "Ahem. Dude, we're escaping right now."

"Oh!" Rake-Wan was so glad to hear that right now, he could have danced. But he didn't, because then people would think he was weird.

He and Cad and Eval rushed through the prison hallways.

"Soo… what's the plan?" Rake-Wan asked.

"I dunno." Cad said.

"Neither do I!" Eval exclaimed.

"I thought you had a plan!" Cad shouted at him.

"Well I thought YOU did!" Eval yelled.

"Well, maybe we should just make a brake for a ship." Rake-Wan suggested.

"Yeah… that might be good." Eval agreed.

"Fine." Cad said begrudgingly. "But if I had thought of a plan, it would have been a lot more brilliant."

They made a break for a ship. And surprisingly, it worked.

"Well… staples, that was easy! The guards here really suck at guarding." Rake-Wan observed.

"Yeah… well, I've escaped this place a dozen times before with WAY more brilliant plans than yours." Cad pouted. "I even hid in the morgue once! But did you think of that brilliance? No."

"Um, I'm the evil mastermind here, guys." Eval reminded them.

"But you probably aren't as smart as either of us." Rake-Wan said smugly. Cad nodded in agreement.

"I bet I am. Wanna hear my plan, Rake?" he asked Rake-Wan.

"I'm listening…" Rake-Wan said. He was doing a pretty good job of the whole acting-not-totally-freaked-out-of-all-the-scary-ugly-guys-and-gaining-their-trust-to-foil-their-plot thing so far, if he did say so himself. Although Anakin would probably enjoy this a lot more, even if he went around whacking everyone on the head with a DVD player.

"Well, guess what? I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHAT MY SECRET PLAN IS!" Eval shouted "IN YOUR FACE!"

And then again, maybe Rake-Wan wasn't doing such a good job of gaining their trust.

**Review review review! =D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Yeep! Sorry guys! *grimace* I got Jimmy (my beloved computer) taken away for an entire MONTH, along with Amanda (my less-than-Jimmy-but-still-substantially-beloved iPod touch, on whom I am capable of slowly typing out chapters with that darned touch keyboard thigy). But apparently I'm allowed to post this, and I'm finally doing it. I'm almost done with the next parody, too. After that, I'll get on massacre –spoiler- which will probably involve Anakin because I wasn't crazy about the rest of the plot, zombies and all. *sigh* I MISS YOU SWA, AHSOKA AND PINK! D: All of you girls on TLF…**

**This week's parody-Anakin Mistakes his Friend for his Enemy (in a Box)! Yeah, I'm wrapping both of them into one, plus I pretty much blew off The Box :P**

"Keep your friends close and run away from your enemies as fast as you possibly can."

Fugitives on the run! Disguised as a guy named Rake, Obi-Wan Kenobi (now Rake-Wan Kenobi) works undercover to solve a Separatist plot to kill Chancellor Palpatine! Obi-Wan meets the plot's mastermind, Morallo Eval, and they all escape from jail together! But now Kenobi faces another obstacle….Bounty Hunter Cad Bane! Can Rake-Wan Kenobi fool Bane with his costume, or will the ruthless criminal see through his ballerina disguise and tell everyone how he dressed up as a pretty flower princess? Only time will tell!

They were crashing into a swamp. Bane thought that was Rake's fault. Rake thought it was Bane's fault. Eval thought it was both of their faults, because they had been the ones fighting over whether Rake's ballerina outfit was a good disguise or not, and they had accidentally killed the ship controls in their rage. Lesson here? Don't fight in cockpits.

"We're coming in too fast, Rake!" Cad Bane shouted at Rake-Wan. "It's all your fault for dressing up as a stupid ballerina anyways!"

"It's NOT my fault!" Rake-Wan shouted at him. "It's your fault for criticizing my dreams of being a ballerina! Plus my name is ballerina man, not Rake!"

"I KNOW YOU'RE RAKE! STOP PRETENDING YOU AREN'T, BECAUSE YOU ARE!" Bane yelled angrily.

"Just let him pretend to be a ballerina! Don't be such a killjoy!" Eval said, rolling his eyes.

"Well can we fix this stupid thing or something!" Bane shouted, banging on the busted controls in frustration.

"No… we have no choice but to crash in the swamp." Eval replied, sounding bored.

They did crash in the swamp. Very very hard.

"Ouch." Cad said.

"Ouch." Rake said.

"Ouch." Eval said.

They climbed outside, onto the top of the ship.

"HEY, I'M KING OF THE WORLD JUST LIKE ANAKIN!" Rake-Wan announced.

"The ship is SINKING. Now we'll never fix it." Cad growled angrily.

"The ship is sinking. Morallo Eval likes. Morallo Eval will get off the ship now." Eval said proudly. Apparently he really likes his name.

He ran down to the swampy ground, and Rake and Bane followed.

"So… what now that you've crashed us here?" Cad asked Rake.

"Now we go to the bazaar and eat exotic snacks!" Rake suggested. Well, it was less of a suggestion and more of a demand, because he didn't exactly give them an option. Just headed in the direction he thought the bazaar was in.

At the bazaar, there was nothing particularly interesting. A couple minutes into looking at rugs and magic lamps, Rake sighed.

"This is boring. We should do something else." He said, biting into his eggroll. (eggrolls are exotic, right? :P)

"Morallo Eval likes this turban." Morallo Eval informed them, showing them a turban he had found at one of the booths.

"Well, Rake-Wan thinks it makes him look fat." Rake-Wan said.

"Rake-Wan does not speak in third person devoid of pronouns!" Eval snapped.

"Fine…" Rake-Wan said.

"I can't BELIEVE I am showing my face in PUBLIC next to YOU!" Bane hissed at Rake-Wan, gesturing to his pretty ballerina outfit, which had been drawing quite a few stairs.

"Look, look!" Rake shouted, pointing to a shop that said "Pablo's Pretty Princess Pawn Shop." He began jumping up and down excitedly.

"No. No no no no no no no no no no no NO." Bane shouted. "We are NOT going in there!"

"Morallo Eval thinks it looks fun!" Eval said.

Cad groaned. "Not you, too… *sigh* fine. You guys go buy princess gear, I'm staying out here!"

But they dragged him into Pablo's Pretty Princess Pawn Shop. And then they made him buy them princess dresses, because they were both sort of out of money.

When they walked out of the store, they were well stocked with weapons, and completely unrecognizable. That was partly due to the fact that they all looked like prince charming… except Obi-Wan, who looked like Prince Charming with a tutu.

"This is so stupid!" Bane shouted for all to hear, looking scornfully down at his prince outfit. At least he had a hat, now. Pablo's Pretty Princess Pawn Shop was stocked with cowboy hats, thankfully, so the trip hadn't been INTIRELY in vain.

"I'm finally a real ballerina!" Obi-Wan yelled gleefully, dancing around in circles not-so-gracefully. He accidentally whacked into a nearby Twi'lik.

"Oops. Sorry madam." He said sheepishly.

"You will never be a ballerina!" She yelled at him, in her perfect French accent, storming off.

Rake-Wan burst into tears.

"Did you hear what she said?" He sniffled. "I will NEVER be a graceful ballerina!"

"Thank goodness." Bane muttered.

Morallo Eval hugged him. "Do not worry, Rake! I used to want to be a ballerina, too, but I became an evil mastermind instead!"

Rake-Wan sniffled sadly.

"Do you think I could be an evil mastermind?" he asked hopefully.

"Frankly, no. But my point is, maybe you'd be good at something different." Eval said encouragingly.

"Maybe I'm good at being a Jedi!" Rake said, feeling a lot better. "Or maybe I'm good at infiltration and undercover things!"

"Maybe you are." Eval said, patting him on the back.

"I'm sick of this." Bane grumbled. "Come on, Eval. We'll go get food. Rake, you go get a ship."

"But I wanna go get food with you!" Rake complained.

"No. You crashed the ship, you go get a new one." Bane said.

Rake mumbled something angrily under his breath, and they both went their separate ways.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

"Three dollars!" Rake-Wan demanded.

"No… 15,000." The ship dealer insisted.

"Two dollars!" Rake shouted.

"No! 15,000!"

"A dollar and seventy-five cents!" Rake said.

"NO! 15,000 dollars! Normally when you haggle, you're supposed to offer more and more money, and the person who sells the thing to you lowers the price, until you can come to an agreement." The dealer said exasperatedly.

"That's not how I haggle." Rake said cheerfully. "A dollar and sixty cents! That's my final offer!"

"No! 15,000! Do you not get it?"

"No. A dollar fifty." Obi-Wan waved his hand in front of the guy. "You WILL sell me this ship for a dollar fifty."

"Fine. I WILL sell you this ship for a dollar fifty." The dealer agreed.

Obi-Wan gave him two dollars because he was feeling nice, singing about how he had ripped off someone even worse than Anakin. He couldn't wait to tell his buddy/former apprentice about it.

After he bought the ship, he got distracted by a glowstick booth. He spent about an hour staring at them… and when he got back, the ship was gone.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

"Huh? Where am I?" Rake muttered. "Those glowsticks were very glowy! And sticky! Hey, who are you?"

There was an ugly guy who looked like Davy Jones with spikes next to him.

"You are a guest of the hutts." The ugly guy said.

"Then why am I hanging upside down just like Luke that one time?" Rake-Wan complained. The blood was going to his head, and he didn't like the feeling at all.

"Because you aren't really a guest, you're a prisoner." The guy told him.

"I'm dizzy." He stated.

"Yes. You're hanging upside down, and that's a normal side affect of hanging upside down." The guy said.

"Well, can you hang me right side up?" Rake-Wan asked hopefully.

"Um, no."

"Why am I hanging at all?" Rake whined.

"Because that's how hutt etiquette works! Suck it up and deal with it!" The guy snapped at him.

Obi-Wan sucked it up and dealt with it.

A couple of hours later, however, he was done sucking it up and dealing with it. His face was beet-red, and his body felt like mush.

So he punched the guy in the head, and got out of the binders that were binding his feet to the ceiling with the Force. He rushed outside ASAP and hid on the roof.

Pulling out his commlink, he dialed Anakin's number. He was bored, and he very much wanted to talk to his BFF.

But instead of Anakin, Mace and Yoda answered.

"Hi, this is Ben… why is this not Anakin?" Rake-Wan asked disappointedly.

"AHHHHHHH PRANK CALLER OF THE DARK SIDE, IT MUST BE, MASTER GIRLY LIGHTSABER!" Yoda screamed hysterically, banging on the transmitter with his gimer staff.

"Yoda, shut up! Ben, how are you? How's my plan going?" Mace asked Rake-Wan quickly.

"PLAN YOURS, STINK IT DOES! MY PLAN BETTER IT IS!" Yoda shouted, banging_ Mace_ on the head with his staff.

"What, the plan about kitty reinforcements and pastel paint? Yeah, no." Mace vetoed that. "How's the GOOD plan going, Ben?"

"It's going good. Only I lost Eval, and also Bane, and then I spent all my credits on a ship and some glowsticks, and then I lost those things too, so I need more credits." Rake said cheerfully.

Mace groaned."That's just… peachy, Kenobi."

"Yeah, and will someone tell me why you guys show up for Anakin's phone?" Rake asked, confused.

"Because he was apparently caught 'using the Dark Side to manipulate his phone and call his Padawan' and got it confiscated." Mace said, shooting Yoda a glance. "And will someone tell me why you're wearing a ballerina outfit?"

"Because I was pursuing my dreams, and then Cad Bane and a French Twi'lik crushed them, but then I just liked the outfit. You should see my Prince Charming crown! Too bad it fell off when I was hanging upside down!" Obi-Wan said thoughtfully.

"Wait… why were you upside down? You're not making sense!" Mace shouted.

"NO, NOT MAKING SENSE YOU ARE, MASTER GIRLY LIGHTSABER!" Yoda screamed. "YOU ALWAYS STUPID, YOU ARE!"

"No, I'm NOT! You're the one who can't even talk straight!"

Rake hung up before he could hear any more.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

"You look troubled, Anikin." Chancellor Palpatine said observantly.

Anakin was in tears in the corner of the office. So yes… he looked troubled. Just noticing that, Palpatine?

"Thanks for letting me cry in your office, Chancellor." Anakin sniffed. "... WHY WON'T THE COUNCIL LET ME LOOK IN THE SEWER! I KNOW THE SCRIPT IS IN THERE SOMEWHERE! WAAAAAAAAAAA!" He burst into fresh tears.

"It is possible that they do not trust you to control your feelings…" Palpatine suggested.

Anakin wiped his eyes with his robe "Whaddaya mean? I'm perfectly stable! RAKE-WAN WILL DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!" He hysterically stabbed the Chancellor's desk with a fork. "And now he's escaping with Cad Bane, and Morallo Eval, and THEY WILL ALL ESCAPE TOGETHER AND IT WILL BE A DISASTER AND ALL THE COUNCIL CAN DO IS SIT ON THEIR LAZY BUTTS AND BE PARANOID ABOUT THE SITH!" He stabbed the desk so hard that he couldn't get the fork out of it.

"I'm afraid it's time for you to go now, Anakin." Palpatine said, sounding somewhat fearful. "Out… out now, Anakin! Go to Nal Hutta and find a ballerina prince, and there will be Obi-Wan, _please _do stop this hysterical crying fork stabbing nonsense!"

"I feel sad." Anakin sniffed desolately.

"Your feelings are what make you special, Anakin. You are a very very special person. Now OUT of my office." Palpatine snapped.

"I'm special? Really? Really, Chancellor?" Anakin was practically jumping up and down in happiness now. "I'M SPECIAL!" he screamed joyfully, rushing out of the office to tell Snips how special he was.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

Meanwhile, Rake, Bane and Morallo Eval had started a bar fight. There was beer and glass flying everywhere. The whole bar was a mess.

The fight had started when Bane had walked up to Rake-Wan and told him that his ballerina outfit made him look like a buffoon. Then Rake hit him with a crowbar that he just happened to have on him. Then a random guy yelled "Bar Fight!"

"There is no peace! There is only chaos!" Rake-Wan screamed hysterically, dodging a beer glass. He figured that adaptation of the precepts of Jedi Order was pretty fitting for this situation.

"Will you shut it?" Bane snapped rudely at him.

"NO!" Rake shouted, throwing his margarita at Bane.

"Morallo Eval's ears hurt from all this glass breaking and yelling!" Morallo yelled unhappily at them.

"Rake's do too!" Rake-Wan complained. He walked out of the bar, where it was much less noisy.

"RAKE DOES NOT REFER TO HIMSELF IN THIRD PERSON DEVOID OF PRONOUNS!" Eval hollered in Rake's face, after following him out of the bar.

"Yes he does." Rake corrected.

"No he doesn't!"

"Yes he does!"

"No he doesn't!"

"Yes he does!"

"No he doesn't!"

"WHATEVER! BOTH of you look like buffoons!" Bane screamed at them.

Rake knocked him out cold with his crowbar. Then he knocked Eval out too, just for the heck of it. Then he dragged them to his pretty pink princess ship that he had just bought from Pablo's, and lifted up off the planet.

Right then, Anakin and Ahsoka LANDED on the planet. Anakin rushed as fast as he could out of his ship, and pointed to the pink one that was taking off, jumping up and down happily.

"Someday, Snips, I'm going to have a ship just like that one! And then I will be the prettiest princess in all of magical rainbow land, just like Obi-Wan!" He shouted enthusiastically.

Ahsoka walked down the ramp slightly slower than her master, looking like she might be about to faint.

"What did I tell you about landing backwards?" She muttered dazedly.

Anakin shrugged. "Uh… I don't remember. OOOH OOH, LOOK LOOK LOOK SNIPS! IT'S A MAGICAL FAIRY SHIP! AND IT LOOKS SOOOO FAMILIAR!" He screamed, pointing up in the sky, where the pink ship now was. "CUZ GUESS WHAT! I SAW A SHIP THAT LOOKED JUST LIKE THAT A SECOND AGO, AND SO NOW I SAW TWO!"

"That's the _same ship_, master." Ahsoka groaned "What kind of nutcase drives a bright pink ship?"

Anakin raised his hand.

"So, please tell me why we're here again." Ahsoka said, rolling her eyes.

"The Chancellor said!" Anakin explained. "He's a Sith lord, and he knows where the evil things are happening!"

Ahsoka sighed. She really didn't want to rehash the "Chancellor Palpatine is Not a Sith Lord" issue right now.

"Okay… sure. What evil things?"

"Script burglars." Anakin said matter-of-factly.

Then they walked into another bar. What did they say? (Okay, I'm seriously going to stop with that. But they walk into SO many bars in these episodes! I mean, every five minutes, someone walks into a bar! XD)

There was still a bar fight going on in there.

"THIS is what people do with their time in the outer rim?" Ahsoka muttered, dodging a wayward glass of who-knows-what.

"LISTEN UP!" Anakin yelled at the bar-going-people, banging on a pot with a spatula to get their attention.

Everyone paused their bar fighting to listen.

"WE'RE LOOKING FOR A SCRIPT THAT I ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED IN MY BATHTUB AND THEN IT ACCIDENTALLY IT WENT DOWN THE DRAIN AND IT WAS VERY DISASTEROUS! Also, OOOOHH SNIPS SNIPS LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL LIGHT! It's very shiny and pretty!" Anakin tilted his head upwards so he could stare at the light.

Ahsoka cleared her throat. "Yeah, what he means is, if you find a script, just give it to us, okay?"

A couple people nodded. Then there was a sort-of-awkward silence.

"Anyone want to play go fish?" some random guy asked.

"I don't have time for games!" Anakin yelled frantically at them. "The steak is Obi-Wan, and he is not a good yummy steak! Come on, Snips!" He marched angrily out of there, and Ahsoka –who didn't really know what just happened- followed. The bar erupted into chaos seconds later.

"So, now what?" Ahsoka asked. "The Chancellor's 'evil' plan to get your script has failed."

Anakin shrugged. "Dunno. Go for a drink? OH WAIT, I KNOW!" he suddenly exclaimed. "Let's get a pretty Pink ship, just like the one I saw in the sky the other day!"

"The other day five minutes ago?" Ahsoka muttered.

"Yeah, that day! Man, that was a fun! We cried and stabbed forks that day!" Anakin said happily. "Oh yeah, then we looked for the script and didn't play go fish!"

"Anddd… you have no sense of time." Ahsoka said, sighing.

"Yep!" Anakin agreed, skipping in the direction he hoped the ship dealership was.

Ahsoka didn't say anything. She just facepalmed, as she followed him.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

"HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO!" Captain Rex's commlink/holotransmitter thing shouted from inside his kama. Stupid ringtone…

The Captain turned slightly red, as the other clones stared at him and sniggered. He grabbed it and quickly answered it. It was Mace.

"Hi, General. Bad time to call. I'm in the middle of guarding Palpatine the All Powerful Sith Lord, as he now insists on being called." Rex said boredly.

"Captain Rex, I need to talk to General Skywalker." Mace informed him.

Rex heard a faint gasp and a "Master Girly Lightsaber, _PRANK_ calling are you!" in the background. Mace sighed. "NO, Master Yoda. Get Skywalker on the phone!" He snapped at Rex.

"Why don't you call him yourself, General?" Rex asked.

"Because he isn't answering, that's why!" Mace shouted. "Why else would I be calling you?"

"Um, about that, sir… _I _don't know where he is. How am I supposed to know where Skywalker is? He's probably stealing Girl Scout cookies or running around with a red wagon or something, like he usually is." Rex said.

"Hmph. Okay, so you're sure you don't know where he is?" Mace asked skeptically.

"No, sir…" Rex said, making the kooku sign and exchanging glances with the other troopers. He forgot he was on a hologram.

Palpatine stepped out of his office with some guards. If he had those, why did he need the clones there? Seriously , what were they doing there? Okay, sorry, I'm writing a parody, not pointing out plot holes…

"Anakin went to Nal Hutta to fulfill my evil plan." Palpatine told Mace. The Korun Jedi Master groaned.

"Chancellor, please don't say the word "evil" when Yoda is within fifty feet of me." He said, dodging Yoda's stick and ignoring his screams about the Dark Side.

"But I have to, Master Windu. I'm the evil Sith Lord, you see." Palpatine explained.

Mace hit himself on the head, as Yoda went ballistic with his stick. "THANK you, Chancellor."

"Not a problem. Come on Captain, walk me to Johnny Rockets. I'm in the mood for a milkshake!" Palpatine said happily. Rex hung up, and sighed.

"Okay, sir."

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxx

"Snips! Don't throw up there!" Anakin shouted at his padawan, who was _quite _sick. He was driving their new "borrowed" pink ship into the nearest space station because it looked like an interesting place to see. He liked to go in circles. And squares. And triangles. And zigzags. And loops. Unfortunately, Ahsoka didn't, and she was pretty close to barfing on the frilly pink upholstery.

"Stop driving like this!" Ahsoka yelled at him, with as much strength as she could muster up in her condition.

"But driving like this is fun!" Anakin said cheerfully, executing a full loop-the-loop.

"No it ISN'T!" Ahsoka yelled.

"Is too!"

"Is NOT!"

"Is too!"

"IS NOT!"

"Is too!"

"Is NOT!"

"Is too!"

"Is… not… oh…" Ahsoka leaned over, clutching her stomach.

"Okay, okay!" Anakin straightened out the ship and drove it straight, like a regular person. Suddenly, he shot upwards in his chair. "HEY LOOK LOOK AT THAT PINK SHIP! OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!"

"Master, wait!" Ahsoka shouted, looking sick again.

He was so excited, he lost control of the controls and accidentally rammed into the other pink ship.

In the pink ship…

"Stupid Jedi!" Bane yelled, as their ship plummeted. "We're crashing!"

"Morallo Eval doesn't like to crash!" Eval whimpered.

"Anakin, stop that!" Rake yelled angrily at the pink ship beside them.

"Anakin?" Bane asked, surprised.

"That's who's driving. Nobody else can ram into a ship like _that_. Poor Ahsoka's probably throwing up in there." Rake-Wan explained, as if it should have been obvious.

In Anakin's pink ship…

"Weeee! Woooooo!" Anakin yelled, randomly steering the controls.

"Master… what are you… DOING!" Ahsoka shouted. "Are you TRYING to kill us, and whatever poor people are in that pink ship?"

"No! I'm just doing that fun "out of control spinning" thing I discovered last time I was doing my driver's test, Snips!" Anakin explained.

"You TOOK that?" Ahsoka shouted at him.

"No, I teach it!" He said gleefully, than shrieked happily as he rammed into the ship again.

"That's it, you aren't driving this stupid thing for another second!" Ahsoka practically screamed at him, pushing him out of the way. She grabbed the control stick thing, and jerked them upwards so as not to ram into the pink ship anymore.

Meanwhile, Anakin was busy trying to call the police. He kept yelling "POLICE POLICE, AHSOKA STOLE MY CONTROLS AND SHE IS A GRAND THEFT!" but unfortunately he forgot the phone part of calling the police.

"Quiet down while I'm driving, master!" Ahsoka said, rolling her eyes as she steered.

"NO, I'M NOT QUIETING DOWN BECAUSE OF YOU STOLE THEM RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE AND COMMITED FELONY AND BAD CRIMES! AND YOU ARE UNDER REST! You have the right to remain silent, Snips. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in court– OOOOOOOOOHHHHH LOOK AIRLOCK!"

With that, Anakin opened the airlock that said "do not open and jump out of during flight" and jumped out of it.

"Master!" Ahsoka cried, frantic. She ditched the controls and ran to the airlock to see whether he had killed himself. Luckily, he hadn't. The other pink ship was coincidentally directly below them, and he had landed on it.

Anakin waved. "Wow, you look like a togruta in a silly pink ship from down here, Snips!" he informed her loudly.

"Get back UP here, master!" Ahsoka yelled at him, half relieved and half exasperated and worried beyond belief. "That ship is private property, plus you're going to kill yourself!"

Anakin stuck his tongue out at her. "You're not the boss of me, Snips!"

Much to Ahsoka's horror, he started drawing a picture of a puppy in the hull of the other guys' pink ship with his lightsaber.

"Master! Stop that right this instant!" She shouted down at him, slightly horrified but not completely surprised.

Than Cad Bane rocket-booted over to them.

"Hey, what the kriff do you think you're doing!" he yelled at Anakin.

"Of course it's_ his_ ship." Ahsoka groaned inaudibly.

"Drawing art." Anakin said absentmindedly, stabbing the puppy he had just created very hard with his 'saber. Hey, what can I say? He likes to stab stuff.

While Ahsoka yelled at Anakin to get back up there, nobody was piloting the ship. Sadly, it rammed into the other pretty pink ship, and both of the pretty pink ships erupted into flames and began plummeting downwards. Anakin and Bane fell off while the ships were doing this, and Ahsoka accidentally banged her head on a wall while hanging on to her ship for dear life.

Rake-Wan and Eval weren't doing so hot, either. They were pretty banged-up by the time everyone stopped crashing.

"ANAKIN!" Rake screamed at the top of his lungs "IT'S TOO LATE, IT'S TOO LATE!" he lamented, wringing his vest.

"What are you TALKING about, Hardeen?" Eval snapped.

"Anakin. I am talking about Anakin." Rake sniffled.

"Ookay…" Eval said, as Rake-Wan rushed out without any further notice.

He rushed all the way into the misty fog on the surface of the moon. And then he stopped. Because he was lost. And it was darkish.

"Darn it." He muttered.

Then suddenly, he was football tackled from behind.

"Where's. My. SCRIPT!" an extremely angry Anakin said rather snappishly. "You're going to pay for what you've done!"

"What've I done, Anakin?" Rake asked worriedly, trying to get out of Anakin's football tackle.

"You have the right to remain silent, Rake-Wan Hardeen." Anakin announced, too full of himself to even consider that Rake-Wan knew his name by anything other than his fame and reputation as The Chosen One.

"But I don't WANT to remain silent!" Rake whined.

"Too bad." Anakin snapped.

He got off Rake-Wan and waited awhile, staring intensely at the man he had just arrested. Then he crossed his arms. And tapped his foot impatiently. And waved his gloved hand in front of Rake-Wan's face.

"ARE YOU DEAD OR SOMETHING!" he yelled into the poor guy's face.

"No, you TOLD me to remain silent!" Rake yelled back.

"Well I _meant_ that you have to tell me where you hid that stupid script!" Anakin explained, rolling his eyes.

"Well how was I supposed to know that?" Rake retorted.

Anakin shrugged.

Then he was ambushed from behind by Cad Bane, who wrapped a long cable around his body and started flying backwards, laughing manically and shouting "my turn to kill the Jedi!" at the top of his lungs.

"Hey, what do you think you're doin- !" Anakin shouted happily, as Bane dragged him across the moon by the cables.

When Bane finally stopped, Anakin put on a pouty face and tried to cross his arms, only to find that he couldn't, being wrapped in cables in all.

He flipped into a standing position, accidentally kicking Bane in the face as he did, and knocking him unconscious.

"Oops." He said sheepishly. He tried to wiggle himself out of the cables, and only succeeded in tripping and falling right next to Bane.

Rake-Wan walked up to them sleepily, and announced that he was tired. Anakin just wanted to get out of the cables, because they itched.

"SNIIIIIIIPSSSS!" he yelled in no particular direction. "SNIPS, I'M, UM, HAVING DIFFICULTY!"

"Yes Ahsoka, he very much is!" Rake shouted in the same nonexistent direction. "That's because he's stuck!"

"I'm not STUCK!" Anakin yelled indignantly, struggling in the cables.

"Yes you are." Rake said smugly.

"I am NOT!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Ahsoka arrived just then, sipping a smoothie that she got from who-knows-where.

"What's wrong _now_ master?" she asked exasperatedly.

"Uh, cables are wrong, Snips," Anakin said.

"Oh, you're stuck." Ahsoka said.

"I am _not_ STUCK!" Anakin insisted huffily.

"Yes you are." Rake said, smirking.

"'kay, well what do you call that?" Ahsoka asked.

"I'm jammed." Anakin improvised.

Rake and Ahsoka rolled their eyes in unison.

"Master, stuck and jammed are the same thing." Ahsoka reminded him.

"They aren't." Anakin said stubbornly.

"They are, master."

"They aren't!"

"They are so!"

"They are not!"

"They are so!"

"They are not!"

"Morallo Eval has fixed the ship all by himself!" Morallo Eval announced proudly, running through the mist in their direction.

"Oh boy, wow! You must be good, because that ship was flaming and stuff!" Anakin said, staring at him in an awed manner.

"Yes, that is because I am Morallo Eval." Eval explained to him. "Come on, Rake. Come on, Bane. We're having cereal for lunch!"

"Breakfast for lunch, oh boy!" Rake-Wan squealed joyfully. "Bye Anakin, bye Ahsoka, that was superfun! Come on, Bane."

He grabbed Bane by his unconscious foot, and dragged him in the direction of the ship with Eval, and they vanished into the fog, or mist, or whatever.

"So… how to get you unstuck…" Ahsoka mused, after giving a "you-guys-are-so-weird" glance at the mist that the bounty hunters had just disappeared into.

"I'm not stuck." Anakin insisted, still struggling in his cables.

"Sure you're not." Ahsoka said, helping him up.

He leaned on her for support, and they walked into the distance. Well, Ahsoka walked. Anakin's legs were tied in cables. He hopped.

xxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxxx

Epilogue about a box…

There was a "125th annual Hunger Games" on Count Dooku's homeworld of Serenno, and a lot of bounty hunters came to compete. They were hungry, and they thought it was a game to see who was the most hungry of all of them. It turned out to be a brutal fight to the death, and because it was the quarter quell, the special circumstance was that the Games where in a large cardboard box that Morallo Eval designed (AKA colored all over with crayola markers). I'm not going to account for you what went on in that box, but some amount of bounty hunters went in, and a smaller amount of them came out.


End file.
